Need help with relationship

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hnnhlk
newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2022 5:49 am
Age: 20
Pronouns: she/her
Location: louisiana

Need help with relationship

Unread post by hnnhlk »

this is going to be long so i apologize. i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, since he was 15 and i was 16. there were 2 times early on in our relationship where he touched me without asking and i had to repeat ‘no’ before he actually stopped. we talked about it, we moved past it. recently we were having intercourse and i was reaching my limit, so i told him that if we didn’t stop now we’d end up doing it all night. he took that as an invitation to keep going, so i told him i was done, and then told him that 2 more times before he actually realized i was done. he then stopped and apologized, said i did nothing wrong, and that he would never hurt me like that. i cant stress enough how genuinely good of a boyfriend he is. he’s not violent at all, he’s never forced me to have sex with him, never pressured me about it, and usually he is very attentive and very patient and understanding during sex. but these specific moments are hard to deal with. i just need someone to tell me if this is forgivable, if i should sit him down and have a heart to heart with him about it, or if i’m being abused and should leave. i don’t want to leave him, but i also know that while he’s never intentionally hurt me, i’ve still been hurt. i could really use some advice. thanks.
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Carly
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 471
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2020 9:13 pm
Age: 32
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: American Midwest

Re: Need help with relationship

Unread post by Carly »

Hey hnnhlk -- ultimately the answer is with you, we're unable to tell you how you feel. We can, however, help you sort out those feelings and give you some resources. If you're feeling hurt, communicating this is always the way to go. What I'm hearing is a lack of understanding of consent and boundaries on his end. Sometimes people hurt us and don't even realize it, but it's absolutely their responsibility to listen, be accountable, and change their behavior. How often does this kind of thing happen when you have sex together? Do you find that he doesn't listen to you in other situations beyond sex? How well would you say you both communicate in the relationship in general?

ps. welcome to the boards, we're glad you're here. <3
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