Open Thread for Support After LGBTQ Violence

[Heather]

Hey, everyone. I'm so sorry to open another day because of violence done towards us/members of our community, but here we are. Again. And again, and...

Sam and I are both here today, and were just talking amoungst ourselves in our staff Slack starting to voice some feelings around this most recent violence and the whole state of things. In the event anyone else needs a space today around this and anything it brings up for you, we're here in thread, and also have the live chat open.

<3

[Heather]

Just sharing some thoughts as they've been popping up for me.

I'm in my fifties, and my first memories of LGBTQ-targeted violence and other harm start in the early 80s. I think of the systemic and interpersonal harms done to our whole community around and with the cultural treatment of HIV/AIDS and those with them. I think of the victims of Jeffrey Dahmer some of us knew or had friends who did. I think of the harassment and threats myself and so many of my other queer and trans friends lived through on the daily in schools and neighborhoods, even in a major city. I think of violence done to someone in college not considered sufficiently masculine by those who assaulted him.

I could go on, sadly, so sadly and heavily, for each decade then and after, and that this has not improved, but only been made worse by access to weapons, by politicians and other so-called community leaders sending clear and direct messages to many to do us direct harm... heartbreaking isn't a deep enough word for it. Neither is demoralizing or even terrifying.

Here we are, part of communities, making communities, that are so rich and so vital for us, and that we so often come back to them to mourn instead of to celebrate is just too damn much, friends. We all deserve so much better than this.

[Nicole]

I'm going to add some of my thoughts to this thread as well. I'm quite young and hold an immense amount of respect for my queer elders. They basically sacrificed their lives for me and my friends to be able to openly express ourselves. I am forever grateful for that. I grew up learning about police surveillance and mistreatment of queer individuals in urban settings. I've learned about Stonewall, bathhouse raids, etc. and I hold such admiration for queer resilience. I know that we can bounce back from whatever people try to throw at us.

To add, around the time I formally came out to friends and family, the Pulse nightclub shooting occurred and it really messed me up. With that, I was really cautious of attending queer spaces due to the possibility of being attacked. Queer clubs were such special places to me. I always felt so comfortable and excited to attend the events with my friends. Dancing to 80s music, amateur drag shows, ballroom, vogue--everything I love. Regardless, if all of our safe spaces are being shot up, then what's left? Where are we supposed to go? Where can we meet queer friends, partners, mentors, etc.? These questions always manage to fill up in my head each time something horrible happens to fellow queer people. It really sucks.

I agree with Heather's post entirely. It also doesn't help that the new Jeffrey Dahmer show romanticizes the murders of the young gay men that he targeted. I would expand on more but I'm just exhausted. Nevertheless, I'm glad to see Scarleteen providing a space to rant. I hope everyone takes care of themselves during this difficult time. We will prevail as always!

[Andy]

I hope it's okay if I add something too, if not, feel free to delete this.
I'm probably coming to this from a completely different  perspective that other people. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to see the way things are for decades and see that despite so much work done and so many possibilities of change some stay the same and terrible, like Heather shared. Or how it feels to not be able to go to places and do things you enjoy because there's an actual danger of being killed because of that like Nicole shared...


What I wanted to share is that even though I might be too sensitive to noticing things like this right now but over just one day spent only at school and at home I've encountered so many things that make me think that it isn't after all that surprising that terrible hate crime happens so often, which makes it even worse...

First I was called out by a teacher in front of the whole class just because I "apparently made a mistake" and wrote a story about two husbands and not husband and a wife  (it wasn't mean to be a provocation or anything I didn't even know she would read it), then I heard schoolmates making fun of trans people and was laugh at for saying I don't.find it okay, then another teacher said that people born through IVF (which I am) don't have the right to be alive, then as soon as I got home I got in an argument with my parents because an awfully sexist remark and the last drop was an public "opinion questionnaire" in tv news in relation to what happened in Colorado asking people if they mind the LGBT community or not...

I can't express how angry and powerless it makes me feel when I see how so many people with power - from parents and teachers to politicians and celebrities - don't see, or even worse, don't care how much damage they do by misusing the power and privilege. They say those hurtful and hateful things either because they think they're true or they just want more power/votes, and then they can just forget about it, but they don't realise that the hate doesn't evaporate, it's stays in people, spreads further and amplifies and then awful things like those in Colorado or  Slovenia happen...

And I hate so fucking much when people say that I should look at it from the other side too and that other people deserve to have their own opinion too. Sure they do, unless the opinion is some kind of "I hate people for who they are just because they are different"...


Sorry for the rant, why I started listing those situations at the beginning was because the realisation of the amount of terrible things that happen all the time completely struck me, if I, with so many privileges in an developed European country, encounter so many, however minor, situations perpetuating hate and stereotypes then the number of those that happen all around the world every day is unimaginable and absolutely terrifying... And there is only so much activists and organisations can do. That of course doesn't mean their work is pointless, quite the opposite, there are so many amazing people dedicating their lives to helping others and making big changes, but confronted with the amount of fear, anger and hate that's in the society, it can sometimes seem like it will never be "enough"...

What I often think about when I feel hopeless like that are some thoughts I learned from Lindo Bacon (Heather has recommended me their work some time ago): that the best way to make the world better and find a place where you belong is creating that place by being yourself and therefore showing others that it's okay and that they're safe around you. And knowing that everyone has the power to do this makes me feel way better and hopefull. And even if it might be impossible to change the mind of every single person right now and most of the power will be in wrong hands, there can be those safe "heavens" like there always have been and hopefully everyone can find their own

[Mo]

Oh gosh, can I just say how much I hate the "look at it from the other side?" response in this sort of situation? It isn't equivalent at all when one "side" is saying "please let us live our lives without being denied basic rights, harassed, or murdered" and the other is saying "let us oppress and harm you." Those aren't two equally valid viewpoints! I agree with you 100% that it is terrible when someone pulls that out as if it's a valid statement.

You said "it isn't after all that surprising that terrible hate crime happens so often" and that's what really gets me: I wasn't surprised at all by this news, and that's a terrible realization to have on top of an already terrible tragedy. The amount of anti-queer/anti-trans rhetoric (in the US especially, in the context of this shooting, but worldwide, really) has gotten so bad recently that I feel a little numb about it, and not much surprises me right now. I hate feeling this way, but that's my protective reaction to all of this, I guess. It's just miserable.

[Michaela]

I have written and re-written what I want to post on this thread quite a few times because nothing quite captures what I feel in the wake of more violence to a community that I love. So, what I feel is a lot. I will shamelessly admit that I had to pull up an emotion wheel to try and figure out all of the different things I am feeling (although it may sound silly, I highly recommend it if you are someone who can have difficulty naming what they are feeling at times too).

I feel a little numb to this constant violence, I feel angry and frustrated, and I feel sad and powerless too. But, what is also there is love that I am sending to everyone right now. I feel like I want to give everyone a hug-- big, loving, mom-type, "I see you," "I'm here for you" type of hug. So, to anyone who reads this, I hope you feel the love, support, and sense of belonging that I feel and send to you.

[Heather]

Right back at you, Michaela (and to all). <3