help with masturbation?

[flugame]

hi-
so I've been masturbating for a couple of years now and have always had this experience. essentially it all goes fine and I masturbate for a while until I get to a point where my body just completely tenses up and shuts down. this sometimes triggers a whole panic attack and I often can't move for at least a few minutes (sometimes up to an hour ish) and if it's particularly bad sometimes I have to wait for multiple hours until I'm relaxed enough to go to sleep. the rest of the experience is generally enjoyable which is why I've kept doing it semi-regularly over the years but (with the exception of the times in which I stop before it happens) I've never been able to masturbate without reaching this point (and therefore never got to orgasm). I've kind of just accepted it up until this point as just something my body does and that I won't really be able to enjoy sexual experiences in the long run because this is a consistent problem but I don't want to spend the rest of my life either trying to masturbate and triggering panic attacks because of it or just not being able to have any sexual experience. so what do I do?? I want to be able to enjoy sexual experiences but that seems impossible while my body won't let me masturbate without completely tensing up and not being able to move. I know lots of people say that benefits of masturbation are it being relaxing and helping you sleep and I want to experience that, but in my experience so far it mainly does the opposite.
thanks for the help.

[Sam W]

Hi arrivederci,

That sounds like a really frustrating thing to experience!

Is there any pattern to what tends to cause that tension and panic? For instance, do you notice it happening if your thoughts drift a certain way, or if your body registers a certain sensation? Too, does it feel like the shutting down happens right as you're reaching a "peak" in the tension?

[flugame]

hi,
I haven't noticed any patterns in terms of thoughts at all. I would say that it usually happens when the sensation gets overwhelming or just has built up and is like a lot - I guess you could describe it as a peak in the tension?
also I would say that whenever this happens my brain just immediately like stops being aroused at all, even if my body still is it's like my brain will just completely stop and not be like into it at all anymore.

[Sam W]

Got it, those details are all really helpful! One thing that could possibly be at play is that some people can find the tension build-up that tends to happen very, very close to orgasm is so overwhelming that they pull back from it. Do you think that could be happening here?

Too, do you ever experience the tensing up and shutting down pattern at other times? Or does it only seem to happen when you masturbate?

[flugame]

I think that could maybe be what's happening, but it's more of an involuntary feeling than "pulling away" suggests. but I don't really experience the same feelings except if I'm having normal panic attacks.

[Sam W]

Are there any relaxation techniques that tend to help you during panic attacks at other times? I ask because I wonder if incorporating those into masturbation, or using them when you start to notice the tension switching into the shut down mode might head off those feelings of panic.

[flugame]

my usual approach to dealing with panic attacks is just to wait it out and then find some media to focus on which is fine for calming me down and is what I do if I end up having a panic attack, but it doesn't really solve the problem. usually if I do that sort of thing in response to tensing up it will effectively calm me down but I just won't want to continue afterwards or if I do I'll have the same problem or it'd be exacerbated, so it's a good short term solution to stop me actually panicking when it happens but even if I'm calm my body still will tense up, so I don't think that would help

[Nicole]

Hi arrivederci,
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I've heard both ends of the table here--that masturbation can ease anxiety AND that masturbation can lead to anxiety, so you're definitely not the only person dealing with this. I'm thinking about some causes behind these panic attacks...it could definitely come from how your heart rate changes during masturbation and reaching orgasm. It could also come from the environment that you're in, such as worrying about privacy or just general discomfort. I'm also thinking that this can stem from guilt or other internal concerns about society's views on masturbation. All of this could be entirely wrong, but I'm just throwing some ideas around and seeing if they stick. What do you think? Also, when you do encounter these panic attacks during masturbation, do they feel the same as panic attacks that you experience in other circumstances? I know what it's like to endure panic attacks--the feeling of a knot in your chest, difficulties breathing, dissociation, losing hearing, etc.--it's not fun. I want to see if we can figure out the cause behind your panic attacks while masturbating and work from there. Another thing I want to ask (if you feel comfortable sharing), are you seeing any medical professionals about your panic attacks? Let me know and please take care!

[flugame]

hi,
I would definitely say that originally this could have stemmed from guilt or shame, particularly when I started masturbating, but that's not really the case anymore as I've pretty much overcome that over the past couple of years. but I would say that the panic attacks are pretty similar to everyday ones although they're probably shorter and easier to get under control in the moment so beyond it being frustrating with masturbation it's not that big of a problem. I'm currently not seeing any medical professionals strictly about my panic attacks but I am seeing a mental health professional in general and we've also agreed to not try any medication for the time being.

[Sam W]

I'm glad you're seeing a mental health professional for some extra support!

I've been looking around to see if there's any research into panic attacks happening during masturbation, and I did find this article that suggests this isn't something only you are dealing with. Does anything in it feel like it applies to you? https://www.allure.com/story/panic-atta ... on-anxiety

[flugame]

the only part which really felt like it could apply is: 'However, Marin says that “sometimes your body misinterprets the signs of masturbation and arousal, like heavy breathing and increased heart rate, as signs of panic.” As such, your body leaps to defense mode, acting against a panic attack.' which I think is what I would guess is happening. but I didn't find any of the advice given particularly helpful as I think it's just like a physiological response as opposed to because of feeling shame and I'm not really sure how to prevent it from happening in the first place.

[Nicole]

Hi arrivederci,
I was also thinking that the increase in heart rate could play a role in the panic attacks that you experience. I was thinking that maybe you could modify the way that you cope with the panic attacks. I know Sam asked about some relaxation techniques and you said that you often rely on just waiting it out and distractions, but that doesn't make masturbation an overall good experience for you. What do you think about trying out new relaxation techniques? We can recommend some for you if you're interested. Please let us know.

[flugame]

sure, I would be willing to try different relaxation techniques

[Nicole]

Great! First, I would recommend bringing up these panic attacks to your mental health professional as they would know the best way to assist and work with you. Based on some research and previous knowledge, breathing exercises and grounding yourself may help you relieve your panic attacks.

I found an article on breathing exercises here: https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-livi ... ic-attacks
There is also a video that helps with controlling your breath: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vkYJf8DOsc
Here is some information and tips on grounding yourself: https://www.banyanmentalhealth.com/2022 ... c-attacks/

Again, these might not be perfect, as I'm just speaking from my own experiences with panic attacks! I really recommend bringing this up to your mental health professional. Take care.