Scarleteen

I have 2 parents, mom and dad, but my dad sucks so I wouldn't tell him anything. My mom (nonbinary but still "mom") is good though. They are very sex positive and have tried to teach me and my siblings important topics about sex since we were young. Especially since I'm older they bring it up more and are more open making inappropriate jokes.

I still feel very uncomfortable talking to them about it, though. Not as uncomfortable as I hear other people do, but I struggle to bring up medical problems like "urinating hurts, what should I do?" even though they are always helpful and never judgemental or weird about it. I nearly cried sending a text message asking if we had any medicine for yeast infections!

I've always disliked it when they tried to give sex advice (normal things like what not to use as lube, protection) because I'm asexual and have never been interested in relationships and have always been very open about that, and the "advice" always just felt like they were ignoring that. I know they do, but it feels like they don't accept that I'm asexual. Whenever I go "I'm not interested in relationships" or "I'm asexual", it spirals into them talking about how they think "labeling yourself leads to putting yourself in boxes so you won't accept change in the future, especially since you're a teenager". I can agree with that on some level, but as a response to me saying that I don't want to have sex feels a lot like rejection.

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with this. Stuff like this can feel especially awkward or challenging when you know your parent means well, but the way they're approaching things just isn't a good fit for you.

What I hear you saying in this is that it might be that some, or even all, of the issue is around wanted boundaries with unsolicited advice or input. Maybe you feel uncomfortable with things like this because your sense is that bringing them up opens a door to advice or information that makes you uncomfortable and is unwanted? Does that sound right?

Possibly. I think the solution is definitely to talk to them about it, but I just wanted to vent about it first and sort out my thoughts before bringing it up.

Hey again crowcaw73 -- you're so right, this is just one of those things that is fixed best with talking about it and letting them know how you feel. In conversations like this, I always recommend using "I" statements like "I feel" and "I think" to make you are expressing yourself clearly and directly. Starting statements with "you" can sound aggressive and blame-y for some people, which can take them out of the conversation mentally. An example you might use is, "I am asexual. When you tell me tell me not to label sexuality right now, I feel like you aren't accepting this identity."

Is there anything else you'd like help sorting out before you initiate this conversation with them?