Masturbation, dysphoria, and body image

[SillyMcGoof_]

Hello! as said in previous message boards im ace, sex repulsed but have an interest in masturbation for myself (you can read said message for more elaboration). for further context/information i am part of a plural system (which for those who dont know, is when there are multiple parts/people/souls etc in one body) but collectively we are transmasc (using mostly we/us for the rest of this message bc thats what we’re comfy with).

now heres where the problem starts, we have a vulva and the thought of masturbating with said vulva causes some dysphoria for us (mainly bc our brain tells us its too “womanly”/“not manly enough” for lack of a better term). we were just mainly looking for some advice on how to deal with and ease this dysphoria and feel more comfortable with our vulva and our collective transmasc identity simultaneously.

we also dont find our body and face and stuff the most attractive atm which also plays a part in everything

any advice helps! :)

(btw i really hope this was the right place to put this, i just wasn’t really sure bc it combines alot of different topics and stuff. also apologies if i post alot here for the next few days, im very new to this stuff and have so many questions lol!)

(also sorry about the accidental double post earlier, we lowkey just kinda forgot we already posted it)

[Carly]

Hey SillyMcGoof -- welcome to the boards! There's a lot we can break down here and talk through. I was looking at your other thread and I think there's a lot of overlap. Gender-affirming touch, or lack thereof, could definitely be something that impacts body dysphoria. I'm wondering if having some concerns about masturbation in general and needing some answers and validation is making masturbation more difficult, which could be making you hyper-aware of your body in these moments. Does this feel true for you?

When talking about masturbation, I think you've mentioned trying to rub your clitoris and you were also curious about trying putting something inside. I'm wondering if trying another way to masturbate might be more pleasurable and affirming for you. Have you ever tried something that isn't touching yourself directly, like rubbing or rocking your vulva up against objects like a pillow?

Also, I don't think you mentioned in your other thread but are you seeing a therapist? What kind of mental health support do you have in your life, if any? Sometimes people seek out therapy to help with body dysphoria specifically.

[SillyMcGoof_]

Hi Carly! thank you for the response! honestly you really nailed the head in the coffin in that first part bc that’s pretty much exactly how i feel! i do have a decent amount of concerns about masturbation still but its tricky bc i don’t really know how to go about getting help for those concerns if that makes sense. also i haven’t yet tried anything else besides what i mentioned earlier (mainly bc im still not that brave enough to masturbate in general) but i might try it at some point.

i guess what i think i need is some help with seeing my vulva as a non feminine thing? like bc i have a vulva doesn’t make me a woman if that makes sense.

also i am not currently seeing a therapist and haven’t in quite some time due to a personal situation, the good news is that i have an intake appointment for a new place on the 20th, i just dont have access to therapy at this moment. the main mental health support i have is either from my mom or from my friends on discord, ofc having a professional to talk to is probably better for me, but its something.

[Nicole]

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

So, based on what you told us, I think I found a great article that might help! I'll link it here: How to Reconnect With Your Body In Spite of the Impact of White Supremacy. While the title may not be what you're looking for, try looking at the content; I'm sure something may resonate with you! The particular part that I recommend starts at "Here’s a little anatomy lesson that might be a bit different than you’re used to..."

I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive community around you. I think it's essential to have that in your life! I hope your intake appointment goes well and if you need anything in the meantime, please let us know, we're happy to help! As for now, I hope the article I linked above helps in any way, and feel free to ask questions. Take care!

[SillyMcGoof_]

thank you so much!! i’ll definitely let you know if anything else comes up