Overthinking everything about my crush

[sparklingstar]

For context, I'm on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, and this person is my first ever crush in my entire life. So all of this romantic feelings are kinda overwhelming, and is making more anxious whenever I text them.

So I realized that whenever I message my crush, I always feel like I wrote the wrong message or do something wrong.

For example, I wish them good luck for the up-coming college entrance exam, something like: "Good luck on exams and remember to take care of yourself! You got this." And even if their reply is something completely normal, like: "Thank you for the good luck! I'll do my best!" I still feel like I do something wrong, like I'm bothering them or making them feel awkward and they hate me now.

I don't know, maybe it's because when we were still younger, their reply was normally more energetic and cheerful? I understand how people's text style can change over time, and entrance exams are tiring. But I'm scared that this more formal and calm response means that they're tired of me or don't want me around. I'm probably overthinking everything and have no idea how relationships work though.

I was even going to ask him to grab lunch with me, since the last time I saw him in person was years ago (due to school reasons) And now I feel like maybe I just look like a desperate person to them, and I'm just putting too much thought into our relationship. Maybe they don't see me as "a friend that can have lunch with".

[Sam W]

Hi hiImcrocheting,

It does sound like you may be jumping to some unlikely or worst case scenarios around all this. Crushes often come with heightened feelings, and as you noted that can include things like heightened anxiety or worry. Crushes can also make it tempting to read a TON into small interactions or details. So, one of my biggest pieces of advice is to take what he says at face value, rather than assuming you've annoyed or bothered him.

As far as asking him to lunch, that's a pretty standard thing for even casual friendships, so I doubt he'd take the invitation as you putting too much thought into your relationship. So, if you want to meet up with him, I'd say go ahead and ask and see what happens.

In case you haven't already seen it, you may also get some use out of this article on the basics of navigating a crush: Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog)