Scarleteen

I’m struggling with my relationships and I think I might slip back into a depression. My “friends” never really reach out; if we talk, it’s because I initiate. I’m never invited anywhere. And forget romantic love, that is so far from me.

Two years back I cut off all my friends to find ones that prioritized me, and I went without friends for a while—at least a year and a half, I didn’t even have online friends. It was fine at first as I was stuck in my head with my fictional connections, but I don’t want to do that this time around. I want real connections with real people.

I made such an effort this school year to make friends. I became very extroverted to overcompensate for how my life was in the years prior. And now I realize it was all in vain. I’m still right where I was, just forward in time.

And now I don’t know what to do because I’m starting to feel lonely again. I tried to ignore it for a while, but I don’t think I can anymore. I really did try. I don’t know what to do. Please give me some advice on how to make my life better.

Hi Rocko,

Finding close connections with friends can be super hard and quite lonely at times too but that is not something that is frequently talked about. Instead, we are given these portrayals of linking arms with the first person we see and then we're best friends for life-- but it doesn’t tend to actually look like that. It sounds like you have been having a particularly difficult time finding people that you connect with and feeling unseen and unvalued when I'm sure you have so much to give in a friendship. Some things that have helped me to meet closer friends is looking for people with shared interests, hobbies, or values whether that be through clubs, outside programs, volunteering, or online communities. What are some of the things that make you feel super passionate and excited or just something that is important to you?

You mentioned that you are afraid of slipping back into a depressed state so I also want to ask if you have sought out any mental health care currently or in the past when you have experienced similar things.

I’m so sorry I didn’t reply, I was going through a tough time, but I figured everything out! I accepted where I was at and realized what I needed to do to get to where I want to be. I’m doing a lot better. Thank you for being the only person to help me during this crazy time

Hey rocko -- I'm glad you're feeling better! If you feel like sharing, definitely let us know how you were able to sort how you were feeling out. It would be awesome to have something other users who are struggling similarly can find and read when they need it. No worries if you'd like to keep this private.

I’m sorry I took so long to respond!

Honestly at first I felt defeated. Like there was nothing I could do to fix my life. And once I felt that way, life felt still. Not happiness, not much sadness, because I was in this state of mind before, so I knew how life would be. But that feeling didn’t last long. The stillness I felt gave me time to reflect on everything in my life. I decided, if no one was going to make efforts for me, I wasn’t going to make efforts for anyone else. I felt like I had a little more control over myself and my life. I don’t have a support group or anyone, so I used youtube videos and consulted my tarot cards to figure out what I should do. I unfriended my closest friend at the time, the relationship was not good for me, and the ending was bitter sweet. And from then, I decided if I don’t have anyone else in my life to focus on, I’m going to focus on myself—it’s the one thing I can do. Now I’m spending more time going to the gym, more time on my nutrition so I can lose unwanted fat, focus on making my room a safe space, etc. I’m still working on myself, and I have started talking to another friend more that made an effort to talk to me. So that’s where I’m at

Hi rocko!

I really loved your response. I love your resilience and how you took charge of your life. Self-care is a really beautiful thing! I wish you all the best moving forward. We're still around if you need anything at all. Take care!