Scarleteen

Hi Scarleteen!

I called a therapist today (yay!) and am currently waiting for her scheduling person to call me back to set up an appointment. I haven’t been to a therapist in years, and my last one was one my mom got for me from 12-16. It’s been a while and this is my first time doing this by myself.

So, to set up some background for why I’m going to a therapist in the first place:
I’ve had anxiety my whole life, specifically health anxiety. I actually started seeing my first therapist for needle anxiety (and I can proudly say that now I can drive myself to the doctor, get a vaccine, and drive home without passing out anymore). I’ve been on antidepressants for a few years and have had some friends and family suggest it may be time to taper down to a low dose because it was affecting my mood and motivation.

So, with the direction of my doctor, we started tapering me off from 15mg to 5mg over a four week period. Two weeks on 10mg, and two on 5mg. First two weeks goes fine, no apparent increase in anxiety. Go down to 5mg: boom, anxious mess. I almost had an anxiety attack back out of a parking spot because I thought I was gonna hit the truck 20 feet behind me. I also had an increase in my anxiety surrounding pregnancy (because of course I have anxiety about this). Even though I use hormonal birth control about as perfectly as you can, and the same goes for condoms and withdrawal. It wasn’t helped when my period just stopped a few days early, probably due to all the stress.

Cue several pregnancy tests later that I probably didn’t need, and I’m not pregnant. Woo. I’m also slammed with the reality that I have a problem and two things need to happen. One, I just need to take a break from the kinds of sex that could theoretically, but probably won’t using my methods, get me pregnant. Partner’s cool with it, we can be intimate with each other in other ways. Second, I need a therapist.

Found a therapist who works with adults with anxiety, bonus points is that she’s a sex educator. Got a referral, called, and now I’m waiting to schedule. Now what? How do I bring up all of these issues to her without peeing myself from social anxiety. It’s one thing to tell a person “yeah I have some anxiety problems”, it’s another to say “I had an entire episode in which I was so scared of a pregnancy that is less likely to happen than me getting in a car crash, and I spent roughly $30 on first response tests that I didn’t need to take, and started planning for an abortion just in case the test I took 15 days after my most recent risk was positive (it very much was not positive)”.

Also I plan on ordering some pills from AidAccess once I have a spare $100, because they allow you to purchase pills as a just in case thing, and with current politics I honestly don’t know what’s gonna happen so I might as well have a backup there.

Thanks for your help!!!

Hi Digdawg,

Ooof, yeah, the process of trying to adjust dosages can lead to some seriously stressful moments while you figure out where the threshold is. I'm glad one upshot of the whole thing has been you taking steps to find some extra mental health support!

As far as broaching the pregnancy anxiety element, there are a few different ways you could go about it. One is to remember that you don't have to raise it right away; you can wait a few sessions to get a feel for the therapist and your dynamic with them and then try bringing it up. With topics that a super stress inducing or that people are embarrassed by, writing out what you want to say and giving it to the therapist to read can actually be a really helpful way of conveying what you need to while cutting down the anxiety attached to the interaction.

Another thing to do is to, as you start working on techniques for addressing anxiety more generally, pay attention to the ones that work and tuck them away as things to use if you have another pregnancy scare.

Do those steps sound doable to you?

Hi Sam,

Certainly! I definitely plan on getting a feel for her before I commit to her being the therapist I tackle this issue with. I’m hopeful that she’ll be a match because she is a sex educator and her profile lists her as an LGBTQ+ ally, but of course I’d still like to get a feel for her approach to treating anxiety.

I actually already have figured out some methods that help when I’m anxious, though I’m sure there’s more I could learn. Something that really helps is putting on a YouTube video (Markiplier is a favorite) and just finding some part of my room to clean and reorganize. It can be my desk, my closet, my favorites on Google chrome, whatever. Puzzles and homework are also good ones, basically anything where I just have to tell myself “alright, I do not have the attention span to both be anxious and do this so I’m gonna focus on doing this”.
I’ve also found that digging into the science of pregnancy, no matter how many times, helps. If I approach from an unbiased, curious perspective, it helps me realize “oh, this pregnancy thing is really hard if you’re taking active steps to avoid it”. I’ve also done some math using the buddy system article and various efficacy rates from a number of sources to determine that even used typically, all of our methods are as affective as an iud. Which is really good, because unless you actively look for groups of people discussing iud failures, you probably won’t hear about it. Shoot, my mom has relied on just an iud since I was born, and as far as I know I’m still her youngest kid. So my three methods are definitely enough.

Thanks for your suggestions, I’ll definitely keep these in mind!

You're very welcome, I hope they help! And I'm glad to hear you already have some tools you use when you're feeling anxious; those can also be things to talk with your therapist about so the two of you can incorporate them into your strategies for managing your anxiety.

An update!

So I had scheduled an appointment for April 7th for the therapist I initially planned to see. A long wait but what can you do. Then I got a call a couple days ago that the therapist I had wanted to see is actually leaving the practice, but there’s another therapist who’s taking clients, and I can see her March 13th. Great, only a month wait! I looked up this therapist’s profile and she’s also an LGBTQ+ ally, which makes me feel more comfortable.

I also ended up buying one of those bulk boxes of pregnancy strips off Amazon because while I like First Response Early Result, a box of three tests is like $14 and that’s not sustainable for an anxious and broke college student :,). But now I can test whenever I get anxiety that I just can’t let go of. Is that a healthy coping mechanism for anxiety? Idk, but it’s cheaper. And having taken a couple before and after this week’s period, I feel a lot less anxious. I got Pregmate because they seem to be popular in ttc communities and I actually really like how they display results.

Speaking of this week’s period, it was a lot less anxiety inducing. There was no stopping early followed by minimal spotting, it actually was about as long as it always is. Maybe a touch lighter, but being on hormonal birth control for so long, I’ve noticed every year that my period is a day shorter and a bit lighter than the year prior, so it’s probably that. And idk, I just don’t feel pregnant. So, it just isn’t something to worry about at this time. Will I heed my own advice? Who knows.

Hi digdawg,

I'm glad you'll be getting in to see someone earlier than you thought! And while having a box of tests probably isn't the most sustainable way of managing this anxiety in the long term, in the short term I do think it's a sound call, since it means you have a very clear-cut way of stopping the "am I pregnant" question loop.