Sex life reminds me of mental health issues

[spottedowl]

So a year ago now I had a mental health scare that ended with me on anti psychotic and anti depressant medication. I broke down in front of my family and started screaming and crying etc.-just not a very good look. Since then, I have made a full recovery and been able to get back to school and friends etc. Things are going good, except in my sex life.
I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t think of myself as a sexy person since then. Also not helping is the fact that I cannot orgasm easily because of the medication, it takes awhile. I try to read take baths, wear perfume etc., just be nice to my body and practice self care. It helps a little, but have me think of relationships and I’m kinda back to that scary place when my mental health was not great. There are even some of my favorite clothes I can’t wear now because I wore them in the hospital and it reminds me of that experience.

[Nicole]

Hi spottedowl,

I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better! I want to start by saying that I know how it feels to have medication mess with your sex drive. It's important to listen to your body and be patient with yourself. We've had many users share similar experiences. Does this mainly have to do with masturbation? Is there anything in particular that we can do to help you with this?

Also, I can definitely understand how it can be difficult to reconnect with your sexuality after experiencing a mental health scare. I think you're taking all the right steps with self-care and taking care of your body. With that, I also think that it might help to separate sexuality from being in a relationship, especially since the thought of relationships brings you to a bad place. With that, I want to drop two pieces that I think you might benefit from reading:

• 10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)

• Self-Care: A La Carte!

Let me know what you think! Lastly, I want to ask--what were some activities that you would do to feel sexy/beautiful/sexually liberated before your mental health scare?

It's such a shame that you can't wear your favorite clothes because of the association with the hospital! I'm really sorry and I completely understand. You just want to move forward! I'm not sure if this might be triggering or too overwhelming, but do you think it's possible to sell these items online and use the money to purchase new items? If not, maybe we can brainstorm some ideas to help you feel good with your clothes! What do you think?

I hope any of this helps or resonates with you.

[spottedowl]

Yeah, the medication is mostly impacting my masturbation. It is kind of a let down since masturbation was one of my self care activities before the mental health scare. I try to take it slow though and be patient like you said, and sometimes it can still end up being pleasurable which is nice. I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to help really, I have tried multiple ways to masturbate and have found the ways that work for me. Plus, my doctor is reducing my medication soon and I should be off it completely by this time next year at the latest, so it’s just a matter of waiting for awhile.
As for some of the things I used to do to feel sexy before the scare:
-masturbate in my bedroom while reading sexy romance novels
-reading nonfiction about sex and sexuality
-long showers especially when I’d wash my hair
-dressing up and doing my makeup, wearing perfume
-dreaming up sex fantasies about crushes I would have

I’m not sexually experienced in any way, haven’t even had my first kiss yet haha, so most of the action was either fantasy or masturbation.

I’ll probably try to either donate my clothes, sew them into something new, or layer them with new pieces, like an old shirt and a new sweater, so I can hopefully wear them and make new memories which do not involve the hospital. I pretty much did the same thing when I cut my hair to the same hairstyle I was wearing when I went into the hospital, so maybe it will work for clothes too.

Thank you for the articles, they really helped me separate being in a relationship from being sexual, as well as gave me more ideas for self care.

[Sofi]

I LOVE the idea of sewing your clothes into something new, it's a great way to upcycle them! Regardless, whatever you decide to do with them would be valid.
You said the things you usually did to feel sexy or sexually empowered don't quite work as well anymore, and I wonder if it's time to try either something new or to kind of change the way you did them. For example trying a new perfume you've never had before, reading new kinds of sexual media, etc?

[spottedowl]

So I've tried a new perfume, new fanfic, new shampoo etc. It's helping and not exactly bad, but not exactly all good. My last crush was just before my mental breakdown and I was having paranoid thoughts about fake relationships and boys that I knew. The thoughts came out of nowhere and were kind of scary at the time. Fortunately, that has not happened since.
I'm starting to get comfortable with fantasies again, especially with fanfic and romance novels. Recently, I feel horny more often, which would be a good thing, except it reminds me of where I was at previously at the time of my breakdown with a sky high libido, fantasies about crushes and just generally horny all the time after COVID. During COVID my libido was lower than normal. Logically I know that the paranoid thoughts and the high libido are not related at all (one didn't cause the other), but my brain is having trouble getting the message. It sure makes it hard to relax and enjoy the fantasies. Any tips on dealing with this?
Also, its hard for me to orgasm with the medication I'm on so I was wondering what other types of touch might feel good? It's hard for me to let go of the thought that its all about the orgasm, especially when I knew exactly how to give myself one prior to the medication.

[Nicole]

Hi spottedowl,

To answer both of your questions, I would recommend approaching masturbation from a fresh perspective. To explain, you've gone through a lot and you're still healing. I've noticed that your mental health scare has created this negative association with sexuality so if possible, I think it might help to start over. Maybe try to pretend like this is your first time exploring yourself and your fantasies. Maybe you'll discover some spots with sensitivity that you haven't looked into before. Also, see if there's a form of masturbation that you haven't tried before. If you want more information about that, we can certainly provide resources. This could possibly help separate the mental health scare from sexual activity. Overall, treat it like you've been treating other areas of your life--switching things up so you can move forward!

With this, I always tell users to focus on exploration, pleasure, and going with the flow, rather than just setting expectations of having an orgasm. I know it's easier said than done, so I'm dropping an article that might help explain this thoroughly, especially regarding sexual fantasy: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms. Please let me know what you think!