Scarleteen

basically i hung out with a guy i liked after talking for 2 months. Hes in college and im a senior. during the first 5 minutes of our date he started touching me. I didnt tell him to stop. He kept on but he eventually stopped because i didnt cum. 10 minutes later he did it again. This time it hurt. It didnt feel comfortable. I layed there frozen and tears rolled down my cheeks. He didnt see me crying. i fake moaned to make him feel good. I hated every minute of it. I wanted it to feel good but it didnt. He was moving too fast and i wish i said smth but i was too scared because i could tell he wanted me but no in the way i wanted him to want me. He later got mad at me because i didnt want to have sex with him at the movies. i cried and he started yelling at me. i cant look at my body anymore. i cant even clean myself. i just keep getting flashbacks. im traumatized

Hi lululover,

I'm so, so sorry this person chose to do this to you, and that it's left you feeling so down on your body and dealing with flashbacks. Before we get into some of the specifics, I want to make it clear that none of this was your fault; you don't deserve to be pressured into sexual things you don't want, or yelled at for setting boundaries or being upset. Too, I think it's very unlikely that he didn't notice you crying; someone crying, or trying very hard not to cry, looks and reacts very differently from someone who is enjoying themselves, you know?

I do want to check, have you received any other support around this, like from friends or family? Or have you note been able to tell anyone about what happened?

Since it sounds like you're dealing with a few different things right now, what would be the way we could best support you? Is there a particular issue, like the flashbacks or feeling unable to care for yourself, that you'd like to tackle first?