Scarleteen

When i was a child around the age of 4 my mom meet this new guy and they ended up dating. Soon after we moved in with him and his 2 kids. They used to party alot so i would never get to see my mom often. But soon they stooped because my mom get pregnant. When i turned 6 he started touching my private parts in my"sleep" i told my mom and she said that he said that he was"checking" if i was asleep. Even though touching a little girls vagina is not what you do. Soon after he scared touching me again and again and finally i gave up and stooped telling my mom. The most traumatizing one was when it was the night before Christmas and my brother was sleeping in my room on the floor. My step dad came in side while i was "sleeping" and started playing with my boobs and sucking them and he even fingered me without lube it hurt like a bitch. Then he left. I started crying but i kept quiet so my brother would not hear me. He came into my room 1 hour later and said "Why are you crying?Want me to sleep with you?" Sooo yah this is my life the last time it happened was about 3 days ago:))I wanna fucking kill myself for letting this happen to me.

Thanks for reaching out to us. I want to tell you in very clear terms, that none of what is happening to you is your fault. Your stepdad is behaving in a way that is absolutely unacceptable- he is sexually abusing you. That language might feel a bit strong, but it is true. And only he is to blame for his actions- not you.

Your mother’s behavior is concerning as well. Just from what little you have told us, it seems like she has been neglecting you. At the very, very least, she should have taken you seriously and gotten you away from this man when you told her about what he was doing. Instead, she made excuses for him. I think you understand that what she did wasn’t at all okay. I’m very sorry to say that the adults in your life, who should have been protecting you and making sure you feel safe and supported, have failed you.

You shouldn’t have to deal with any of this- we need to get you out of this awful situation as soon as possible. Scarleteen is an online service, so we’re quite willing to talk to you, but our ability to help you practically is a bit limited. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but, can we help you find some resources on the ground? Someone who can stop this from happening?

Hi Rin_Bin_Fin,

In addition to everything Latha said, which I absolutely agree with, something else we can help you with right now is safety planning, since it sounds like this is an on-going threat. For instance, do you have any other places you can stay--with friends, trusted family--for at least a few days? And have you told anyone about what's going on other than your mom and us?

Too, if you think you may be in genuine danger of hurting yourself, I suggest you reach out to this resource and get some help there before continuing your conversation with us: https://www.crisistextline.org/. Your immediate safety is the priority.