Scarleteen

hi! so during my sexual journey i suppose, i’ve realized that i have the urge to masturbate atleast about once a day (sometimes even multiple times a day). does this seem excessive at all?

i know that when you start this sort of journey you’re more likely to do it more often, and also as a system its a way for me and my headmates to be more intimate with eachother, but idk im just a bit worried that its too much.

Hi there, SillyMcGoof!

Are your masturbation habits hurting you or interfering with your life/keeping you from doing other things you want to do?

If they are not, I don't think it can be too much. It certainly isn't unusual for someone to masturbate as much as you do, in my understanding.

There is an idea out there that one can get 'addicted' to sex or masturbation- Sam has a really good discussion about why that isn't true in this advice column if you'd like to read more.

hi! i dont think it interferes with anything too much and it definitely doesn’t hurt me in any way. sometimes i can get all like “I NEED TO MASTURBATE NOW” and stuff and get a bit preoccupied with it. or sometimes after i do it once i wanna do it again so then i can feel that rush and pleasure again even if im not really aroused at that moment if that makes sense. but idk if thats normal or not.

also i’ll definitely read the discussion you provided! thank you!! :)

Hi there SillyMcGoof_, starting off by echoing that as long as you are still able to do the things you need to do (eg. you need to go out to do something, so you still go, even if you are a bit distracted) and you feel like you are in control of when you choose to follow the desire to masturbate (eg. when it is an appropriate place and time) then you don't need to be concerned. Many people masturbate multiple times in a session, so no need to be concerned there.

You mention getting preoccupied, that is very usual if an impulse or desire feels strong. If you'd like some strategies to help you feel a bit less "stuck" when it's not convenient or appropriate to masturbate at the time, doing something that engages your brain or body is going to be more effective than trying not to think about it (because usually that just makes you think about it more). Are there any strategies that have worked for you so far? Or would you like to brainstorm any more?

hi elise! thank you for the response!

the only thing thats kind of worked for me so far is trying to distract myself in some way or another, which has had varying rates of success, so i wouldn’t mind trying to brainstorm some more!

Hey McGoof -- though I don't know exactly what Elise had in mind, I can help start a brainstorm. Can we start with what's worked for you in the past? How have you distracted yourself?

hi carly!

in terms of distractions, a few things thats worked at least a bit have been things such as talking to friends or partaking in my interests, but alot of the time when i do that i still kinda have sex on the mind until i just zone out for a bit and forget about it, so its a bit tricky.

i also have a decent amount of symptoms of ocd (i havent talked to a professional about it yet but i will soon) and alot of the time i feel like i need to masturbate if that makes sense? like even if i dont want to i feel like i need to for whatever reason. idk its all very tricky

Hi SillyMcGoof! From my personal perspective, having sex on your mind while you distract yourself until you forget about it seems pretty normal. For a more mundane example, sometimes I'll crave a certain food that I can't eat at that moment. The craving doesn't go away immediately when I try to distract myself, but at some point, I'll forget about it. I think our minds just have 'sticky tendencies'- we can't stop thinking about something or feeling a certain way as soon as we want to.

The point about OCD is interesting though- if I may ask, what do you think will happen if you don't masturbate? Just to throw another idea out there, I've heard that feeling like you need to masturbate even though you don't want to could be a signal that you need to do something interesting/stimulating.

hmmm honestly im not 100% sure. i guess its not anything super specific more just a feeling of “if i dont do this something bad will happen” or something, although like you mentioned it could be a thing having to do with understimulation

Some other things that can be helpful include physical activity/exercise or a cold shower. The first can be something like running, swimming, dancing, or any other type of exercise or movement of your body. Cold showers for some people take the urges away. It can also be watching TV which provides visual and mental stimulation, while doing something with your hands like mindless coloring or using a fidget toy. These just help distract and stimulate your brain.

oo ok thanks!!

Hi there SillyMcGoof_, to add on to Sofi's great suggestions, it might also help you to think about the things that particularly engage your brain (perhaps its something with a narrative, or music, or doing something with your hands), if you can identify those, then those can be the most useful in redirecting your thoughts.

Also, for when you're in a classroom or somewhere you can't be on headphones or leave, doing things like drawing, writing down what is being said, or focusing on trying to tap out a rhythm with your feet inside your shoes, can be great ways to distract your brain, as it can't actually focus on two things at once and moving even in a small way like writing or foot tapping can help redirect your brain. Hope this helps!