Scarleteen

So I've never had sex with a guy, I'm 17 but I have a vibrator and I like to use it, I enjoy myself so much with it, (it's penis-shaped with "fingers" for the clit) and I have the best orgasms. I've discovered a lot of myself with it, but I'm worried that sex with a guy will not feel the same as I won't have the clit stimulation and the vibrating feeling in my vag. Also, I've noticed that just leaving my vibrator as deep as possible (with no movement) is what makes me orgasm. And penetrative sex is mostly the in-n-out movement which I don't enjoy as much.

I've heard a lot of stories about unsatisfied women or some who have never had an orgasm, so I wonder if sex with a guy will feel just as good as me masturbating with my vibrator, or what is it so great about actual sex?

Thank you very much for your response <3

Hey there.

So, there's actually no one kind of "actual" sex, to start. There are so, so many ways that we can be sexual -- and when we are, that's us engaging in sex. Masturbating with a vibrator, for instance, is actual sex. People massaging each other's bodies as ways to express their sexuality together is actual sex. Consensual oral sex or vaginal or anal intercourse -- he they with body parts or toys -- are actual sex. Catch my drift?

And all these different ways of being sexual with one another also will often feel different, and sometimes not in ways we can say are more or less good because they are just different -- and not just in how they feel physically, but also emotionally, intellectually, socially -- on top of also not being the same experience every time we do them!

So, for instance, it may be that whatever kinds of sex you had with a guy on Tuesday did not, to you, feel as good as what you did with just your vibrator on Sunday. But then it may also be that sex with that guy a few weeks later, with or without your vibrator in the mix, felt amazing compared to both the sex you had both alone with your vibrator and with him weeks before. It may also be that one week, you like both of those things just as much, but for totally different reasons: maybe you loved the experience with your vibrator because it let you center on yourself, and maybe you liked the sex with the guy because it offered you some things your vibe can't, like companionship or fingers. Maybe a few months after that you're bored with sex with BOTH the guy and the vibe.

I do want to mention, too, that this doesn't have to be a choice: you can have sex with a guy WITH your vibrator (or a vibrator, be that during, before or after other things). In case it's not also clear, when we're sexual together, we're often not just only being sexual in one way together. For instance, couples who have intercourse and also have sex lives they tend to like a lot are almost never going to *just* be doing that, but instead doing a range of things, both before and after, but also at the same time.

There is a known an orgasm gap between cishet women and men, but that's about a lot of things, nothing near as simple as sex toy vs. partner in the most basic of ways. Happy to talk about what some of those things are if you're interested.