Scarleteen

Recently, I've been trying sexual activities with my girlfriend.. and im having trouble doing what I do to her on myself. I'm a Trans man so I have a vagina, bare with me.

Bacically, I can do clitoral stimulation on her and myself, but I can't finger myself like I can finger her. Everytime I stick even part of my finger in, it feels very tight, and uncomfortable. I tried slightly moving my finger (curved it very lightly) and it felt hella weird, it made me a little nauseous if I'm being honest. When I finger my girlfriend, she says it feels nice when I do it to her. I learned quickly when she explained how to do it on her. I can't even insert one finger in me, and I'm getting very upset with myself ..because I know I'm capable of feeling what she feels. How do I properly finger myself? Do I start with two??? One?? Agh.

Hi White82408,

I think the biggest thing to remember here is that one of the most important aspects of pleasure is the mind, and everyone is different. People have different sexual preferences for what brings them the most pleasure, as well as anatomical differences that make the act of fingering slightly different for each person. All of this is normal! I can understand feeling frustrated that your girlfriend can enjoy being fingered by you, but you can't enjoy it on yourself. I have a few recommendations to continue exploring and see what works for you:

• It can be distracting to feel frustrated around an aspect of sexuality. Often when we have a specific goal in mind, like an orgasm, it can make it harder to achieve. I recommend exploring yourself with no goal in mind. Just notice what feels good, bad, or neutral, and try not to prescribe judgment to any of these feelings.

• If you're continuing to not enjoy the feeling of being fingered, that's okay! What works for one person doesn't have to work for another. There are so many other ways to experience pleasure, and there's no such thing as the "right way" to do so.

Thank you!! I talked to my gf about it and she offered to help me try it out.