I can orgasm with my partner, but not on my own

[Demilicious]

So yea I have a little problem.
Before I got with my partner I had never really done anything on my own sexually wise except read a bit of erotica. I had looked at my vagina and touched it here and there but just out of curiosity.
When I got with my boyfriend, we began experimenting with each other, he wasn’t a virgin himself so he knew what he was doing. He was really gentle with me and everything, and he didn’t push me or whatever, always asking me if I was sure I wanted to take it a step further and all that. And like I already said he knew what he was doing and it felt good. When he went down on me or tried to get me off and eventually with intercourse I always got an orgasm.

A while back he and I broke up. And like I said I never really have done anything sexual without him. So when I tried to do it myself it just wasn’t the same. I have a vibrator and tried it with that or I used my own fingers. I can find my clit and what I do feels good and I can get aroused, but I can never get myself to orgasm.
I tried using porn with it, audio and video and literature, I also tried with just fantasies of my own.
I think maybe that I’m holding myself back for some reason? But I don’t know if that is really it.
So yea, I guess my question is if you maybe have an answer as to why this is.

[Nicole]

Hi Demilicious,

Thank you for reaching out! I can understand why this is so frustrating. So far, you did everything that we usually would recommend--you've looked into multiple forms of masturbation and delved into fantasies. Could you explain some more about "holding yourself back" please? I ask this because a number of our users face complications during masturbation because they are in an uncomfortable environment or are unable to fully relax. This can certainly restrict pleasure. Many also go into masturbation with the expectation of orgasm, rather than exploration and going with the flow. Does any of that relate to your situation at all? If not, please let me know.

For the time being, we have a number of articles on masturbation that I think you could benefit from reading. Some of these expand on some of the situations I mentioned above. I recommend that you look around, see what resonates with you, and let me know what you think! I'll drop them here:

• Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

• Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

• With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body