Scarleteen

I'm 17. I had masturbated only a few times before I turned 17 and I decided that I want to try again and figure out what I like and it has been very disappointing. Touching the stuff inside me can usually give me some pleasure, but I usually get bored after like 10-15 minutes and I never come. When I masturbate for longer than that, I usually have to stop, because I end up feeling a need to pee. The thing is that I came once in my life and the one time I did, I peed myself. I kept going to the bathroom and I felt kinda sick the morning after. It's the reason I almost fully stopped masturbating for years, because I felt like I needed to pee everytime I touched myself, which only went away after I wasn't scared of it as much anymore (+ I started putting towels under me lol). The last time I tried masturbating, I wasn't all that aroused, but I kinda want to do it and I touched myself and genuinely felt no pleasure. It doesn't feel pleasurable at all to touch my clitoris. It's really painful and intense. I don't really have the money to buy any special sex stuff. Does this mean that I won't be able to have any pleasure at all until I buy some extra stuff? One last detail is that I'm a trans guy and masturbating also makes me dysphoric.

Hi anonym05,

I just want to start off by saying that everyone has different ways of experiencing pleasure. Something that might feel good for one person can be not good for another person. And fwiw, you don't need to buy a bunch of stuff to figure it out but I would recommend one thing that isn't expensive, which is a lube. This might help with pain that you're feeling when you touch your clitoris if it's a friction kind of pain.

I also want to share an article that might help you explore masturbation more and figure out something that feels good for you: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... sturbation

I'm also happy to answer any further questions you might have after reading it!

I've thought about getting lube before, but it honestly sounds so awkward. What if the cashier ends up remembering me as the teen, who got lube?? Lol. Also, would it be okay if a person never wanted to masturbate?

Hi anonym05,

I completely understand your concerns about purchasing lube! Luckily, there are some other things you can use as lube, you can find more information about this here: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer. Many replacements for lube are quite inexpensive, accessible, and may already be sitting around your home.

Also, yes! It's totally okay if a person is not interested in masturbation. Would you like to talk more about this? It seemed like you were very frustrated with your experiences during masturbation. If that was just a general question, then that's okay too! Please let us know and take care!

I ended up buying some lube anyway, but I got my period like a day later, so I didn't get to try it (I guess I could have, but that is just too messy for me). I tried it and maybe I just didn't get enough/didn't do it in time or just both, but I feel like it didn't solve my issues. It's really hard for me to get "in the mood" and I seem to magically come out of it when I actually try to touch myself. To be entirely honest, I think I just feel like this is something I *should* be doing instead of being something I want to do. On the other hand, I'm fairly sure I'm not ace, I actually think I'm bisexual, so I don't get why it's so difficult for me to get "in the mood."

Hi there! I agree with Nicole- you really don't have to masturbate if it is something you don't want to do. Some allosexual (not asexual) people are less interested in masturbating, and that is okay. Masturbation is also just less pleasurable when you're not interested.

You said that you've been having difficulties getting in the mood and staying there when you masturbate- if I may ask, could this be because of the dysphoria that you mentioned earlier?

That makes sense yeah. It just feels odd to experience when I've heard that some people do it as often as once a week and tbh, I'd rather watch youtube or just anything else really.

I think it could be the reason why that happens. I can at least get "in the mood" when I watch stuff or fantasize, but touching myself seems to just be distracting from the thing that actually gives me pleasure. Plus, even when it is pleasurable to some degree, it feels like my mind isn't really all that into it. It's weird to explain, but it feels as if it was pleasurable for my body in some way, but not actually pleasurable for my mind. In general, everything that gets me in the mood is stuff that doesn't involve me/my body, for an example, fantasizing about other people sleeping together is attractive to me, but imagining myself sleeping with other people is not. Imagining myself with a different body doesn't feel authentic, but imagining myself with my body is just... Ew.

Hey anonym05 -- it sounds like experiencing dysphoria is impacting your relationship with masturbation, especially if directly interacting with your body physically in the moment or indirectly through your fantasies seems to distract you. I'm wondering if you'd be able to bridge the gap if you were try masturbating in a way that did not involve you directly touching yourself. Have you ever tried rubbing or rocking your vulva up against a pillow or the the edge of a bed? Or using using a flowing water faucet or showerhead? The article Logan shared has some more similar ideas if you're interested in trying something like this.

I want to reiterate what others have said too, which is that it's totally ok to just not enjoy masturbation. It's also normal to experience changing sexual preferences throughout your life. You may not be into it now but then find that you enjoy it in your 20's and in your 30's not be into it again.

Well, I tried something like that and just like the one thing that used to work, it was pleasurable like once and then it wasn't pleasurable at all the next time even though I was really in the mood and everything.

Think I might just give up on this at this point.

Hi anonym05,

What if you took a break from masturbation but saw it less as "giving up" and more as just that: taking a break? That way you're able to frame it as more about giving yourself some space to come back to it later if you want to, rather than as something you "failed" to do?

Too, since dysphoria seems to be playing a role in all this, are there anythings that bring you gender euphoria that you could incorporate in masturbation?

Very late reply lol. I actually didn't really take a break, but I realized that I was just kinda forcing myself to do it and that made it not pleasurable. The thing is that I have a weird libido, which means that sometimes I can do it 2-3 times a week and then sometimes not do it for weeks/months. Masturbation still isn't all that pleasurable and orgasms just don't happen at all, but sometimes stuff feels kinda good and at this point that's better than nothing.

I'm actually not sure what things I could incorporate in masturbation that would give me gender euphoria besides like clothes? This is really weird, but how unsafe is it to touch your urethra? I've never thought about putting anything inside, because that doesn't sound appealing in any way, but I've accidentally brushed it against a pillow while trying to masturbate before and it felt weirdly good, but idk whether that's dangerous. I unfortunately feel like my urethra should give me pleasure, because cis guys have their urethras on top of their genitals and despite the fact that a clitoris is supposed to be actually similar to a penis in some way, it doesn't feel that way at all.

You know, it's not actually weird for the desires to be sexual (be it alone or with partners) to wax and wane like you are describing: that's perfectly normal. It's very common for people to have times of high and/or frequent desire, and times of low or infrequent desire, and that can happen day to day, month to month, year to year, decade to decade. It's normal, I promise.

It's not unsafe to touch your urethra, but:
1) You absolutely do not want to try to insert anything in it. It is too small an opening, and it is not anatomically set up for that. That absolutely could do you harm.
2) It is really easy to get a urinary tract infection because of bacteria that gets pushed into the urethra. So, with any genital masturbation, clean hands should be a give, but if you're going to rub that area, it's especially important.
3). There's really no "supposed to" with any kind of pleasure. We are all very diverse in this way, including our bodies. But again, going back to anatomy, the urethra doesn't have the kind of sensory serve endings that say, the glans of the penis or the glans of the clitoris does, nor orifices like the vaginal opening or anus. So, generally, there's not going to be a lot happening there sensation-wise all by itself, but it is surrounded by anatomy where there are more sensory nerve endings. And it's also fine if contact with it feels good.

I'm not sure what you mean about the clitoris not feeling like a penis, but yes, the whole of both systems (most of the clitoris is actually inside the body and not visible) began exactly the same in utero and are highly analagous. Did you have questions about that?

That's good to know. The thing I meant is that the parts are anoatomically similar and all, but the way you interact with them is not the same at all. I mentioned it, because I used to think that it would be really amazing to touch it, but it just feels meh + when I touch it and aren't aroused enough, it just hurts. I basically thought that touching that would make me less dysphoric and instead I'm for some reason attracted to things accidentally rubbing against my urethra lmao.

Hi anonym05,

Heather mentioned it above when they spoke about how the urethra doesn’t have many sensory capabilities, however, it is very close to the clitoris which is the mega-sensory location (you can see it in the diagram in this article). For some people, the clitoris can be extremely sensitive, and direct contact can be too much and painful so lighter contact or indirect contact like touching areas close to the clitoris can be more pleasurable. Have you explored different types of contact such as maybe touching yourself over clothes or other barriers?