I am lesbian, but I wanna have sex with men (???)

[st4rryc4t]

ok so... by the topic, I am a lesbian, 17yrs old. I've identified with being lesbian for like 3 years now and im very comfortable in my sexuality but I very often fantasize about having sex with men. I am a virgin (can I say this on here??) and im thinking maybe I am only fantasizing about this stuff because im h*rny (can I say this ?????). most of my fantasies are about being dominated and treated really roughly, like borderline assault stuff and it's kind of scary. I don't understand why or if this is normal... I could never date/see a future with a man, only women.... my male friend said he would have sex with me and im on the fence about experimenting with him. please help this is so confusing

[Amanda B]

Hi st4rryc4at,

Welcome to the boards! I think the most important thing to recognize here is that the fantasies we have may not be experiences we're actually interested in having. Fantasizing is a very normal, healthy part of sexuality. It's also possible to be sexually attracted to and desire a gender, but have no romantic desire toward them. Sexuality is a complex idea that can definitely feel confusing to navigate. Can you think about what specifically is attractive to you about men? Gender is as much a spectrum as sexuality, and the type of sex it sounds like you're fantasizing about doesn't necessarily have to be with people who identify as men. It could be helpful to think about whether fantasies are more about the gender of the person in them, or the acts that are being performed.

As for your friend who offered to have sex with you, I think it's important to explore whether this would be something you're actually enthusiastically interested in. I'd also like to offer some further reading from articles on our site that may be helpful: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms, Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?, and I like fantasizing about it: would I like it for real?. I hope this helps!