i need advice

[SillyMcGoof_]

hey! i’ve been having some issues lately that i would like some advice on bc idk what to do

my orgasms arent as intense as they used to be and masturbation just generally feels different now. the first few times ive done it were amazing, but now i just feel a bit empty afterwards?? like my orgasms arent as intense now, and instead of feeling relief after i finish i just feel empty and i yearn for more, but im not horny anymore so i cant really do much.

idk i guess its hard to describe how i feel but i miss how it felt the first time i did it, where i felt so amazing and calm afterwards. nowadays i just feel cruddy and i miss how it used to be. i miss feeling amazing after cumming and not like crap.

idk sorry if the wording is weird on this post, but does anyone have any advice? thanks!

[Logan W]

Hi SillyMcGoof,

There could be a couple of things that might be affecting this. One could be masturbating in the same way. Switching things up and trying some new things might add some intensity back into it. Another thing could be having a lot on the mind. Is there anything in your life that is changing or causing stress? Sometimes when we have a lot on our minds, we can't fully focus on the task at hand, per say, and it might add to lack of intensity and good feelings. Do any of these resonate with you?

[SillyMcGoof_]

hi logan!

i think it could possibly be the first thing, but i guess it’s a bit tricky because im pretty limited in what i can do and use for that stuff.

as for the second thing, i guess im sort of caught up on the fact that it wont feel as good as before and afterwards i’ll just feel like crap instead of feeling amazing and calm like i used to (maybe its post nut clarity??? idk lol)

[Heather]

It might also be helpful to know that it's typical for how we experience sexual response to change all the time throughout our lives: from day to day, week to week, experience to experience, life phase to life phase. Things that create those changes are pretty much every part of life: sleep, if we have any kind of illness, stress, body image, what we've eaten, where we're at hormonally (and not just with sex hormones, but things like our thyroid, adrenal and cortisol levels).

You name it, it plays some part, which is why things with sex are rarely going to stay the same for very long.

[SillyMcGoof_]

ohhhh ok thanks for the info! is there atleast anything i can do to help ease that empty/sad/icky feelings after masturbation? not to get the same feeling as i used to bc i know that’s probably not obtainable but to atleast not feel so cruddy and feel good/ok afterwards?

[Heather]

That sounds like it's clearly about something emotional. Since chemically, the opposite would be happening, chances are that's about the kind of stuff that tends to leave people feeling that way, namely, shame.

Do you have any sense of what those feelings are about? Have you experienced them in any other context before? And what do you usually do for yourself to help when you're feeling crummy?

[SillyMcGoof_]

hmm honestly im not sure what it’s about or if i’ve felt it before. honestly i just kinda go to bed or carry on with my day usually when that happens.

[Sam W]

Hi SillyMcGoof_

Since it sounds like the crummy feelings after masturbation are fairly recent, can you think of anythings that have changed that might be influencing them? That could be feelings about yourself or your body, about, or something else entirely.

As for what to do when you're feeling crummy, either after masturbation or more generally, how about checking out this article for some ideas? Self-Care a La Carte. It's become a bit of a cliche to say self-care is important, but it is genuinely a valuable thing to learn.

[SillyMcGoof_]

the main thing i can think of thats changed is that ive been doing it at night alot of the time, and now after i orgasm i want to try and do it again but im not aroused anymore. before one felt like enough but now it doesn’t. thats kinda all i can think of tho.

i will check out the self care stuff tho!! thanks :]

[SillyMcGoof_]

a bit of an update:

so i dont wanna be too tmi ofc but i masturbated a few minutes ago. this time i ran my fingers up and down the sides of my vulva, like in between the inner and outer labia bc i haven’t tried that yet, and cumming felt amazing! like better than it has recently, and i didn’t feel icky afterwards!! i feel good and calm and stuff!! idk what could have changed and also this could be a one time thing and the next time i masturbate i’ll might feel crummy again but a win is a win!!

also if anyone has any ideas for things such as positions or different kinds of stimulation i can try with my limited recourses to keep things fun that would be great!!

[Carly]

Hey McGoof -- I'm glad you had a good experience! I think we (or I) might have passed on these resources before, but I'd recommend checking out D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition and How Do You Masturbate? for more ideas for positions, kinds of stimulation, or working with limited resources.

[SillyMcGoof_]

ok!! thanks :]

one question tho, i dont have access to condoms or lubricant for the diy toys and stuff, is there any alternatives i can use?

[Nicole]

Hey SillyMcGoof_,

If you are unable to purchase condoms, some places do give them out but I'm not sure how accessible that is for you. Do you know if your school's nurse's office has them? Planned Parenthood has free condoms and lube. Also, we have a great resource that touches on some items you might have at home that can be used as lube, here's the link: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer.

"Some people use massage oil, baby oil, olive oil, coconut oil, Vaseline, or other oil products as lubricant..." I recommended reading more to see which one works best for you.

Please let me know if this helps!

[SillyMcGoof_]

no unfortunately i have no access to those places to get condoms :[

i could ask my brother for some of his but that would be uh very awkward lol.

could something like a glove work? (for masturbation not partnered sex ofc)

as for the lube, i’ll definitely look into it!!

[Nicole]

I totally understand the awkwardness!

Yes, absolutely! Gloves and finger cots absolutely work. That was what I was going to recommend next, I just wanted to see if you have any of the resources I mentioned previously. However, these are not lubricated, so it might feel a little uncomfortable if you don't add lube to them yourself.

Here's more information on that: All the Barriers! All the Time! Just scroll down a bit and you'll see pictures of gloves and a finger cot. Please take a look and let me know what you think.

[Heather]

Just a quickie: all those oils up there are *not* okay for using with anything going inside the vagina. For those, you want to avoid Vaseline and any other petroleum products, baby/mineral oil, other oils that don't break down, or any other oils like massage oil that have things added to them and are not designed for genital use. People with penises can use those things on their genitals, but not people with vaginas.

Household oils that can be used are coconut, olive, avocado and other plant-based oils without anything added.

[SillyMcGoof_]

oh ok thanks to the both of you!!! i just have a few more questions just for some clarification:

1: could/how could i put a glove over something like an electric toothbrush, or other diy toys?

2: the gloves i have on hand are made out of vinyl iirc, so in that case, what kinds of household lube alternatives would be safe to use? (preferably ones that are also safe to use inside the vagina and/or anus)

3: are the gloves safe to put inside my body? i assume they probably are but i have anxiety and figured i should ask just in case lol

thats all i can think of for now but if i think of more i’ll let y’all know!

[Heather]

1. Easy! You just use one of the fingers. You can even cut that finger off the glove so the whole glove isn't dangling around.

2. What do you mean the gloves and vinyl? Do you mean like, kitchen gloves? If so, those won't be safe for a barrier since they will have been covered in germs from cleaning. When we say gloves, we mean a latex or polyurethane glove meant for surgical use. And lubes meant for sex or any of the vegetable oils I mentioned above would be safe for use with gloves.

3. See above. Only if it's the right kind of glove.

[SillyMcGoof_]

oh sorry! i ment more like the clear disposable vinyl gloves. apologies for not being specific enough! i can take another look at the box if you need for more info and stuff :]

[SillyMcGoof_]

would gloves like those be body safe? or should i figure something else out?