Scarleteen

to preface, im 18 female and im on trileptal (a mood stabilizer) and lo loestrin birth control, but ive had these problems before these medications. ive also been on zoloft (8th-10th?) and lexapro (12th to first semester of college) before, and a couple different adhd meds. but, as before, the problem started before most of those medications, the exception being adderall which i was on from 3rd-6th grade.

the big issue is that i just dont feel any sort of pleasure or good feeling from touching any part of myself, just sensitive!! ive used toys before and its still something dull. its so so so annoying because i still feel attraction and i still get aroused and wet and all of the other things. no matter what ive tried, touching myself just doesnt feel good.

this is the only place ive seen people actually talk about it, and sorry if this post seems repetitive!! im just so tired of not finding answers. i cant find many other resources, but those have been "are you actually stimulating your clit," or "penetration doesnt always get you to orgasm" but i know that. i do also know i have to see my ob/gyn about this, but im so scared they'll just repeat what i already know or say that im overreacting i didnt even know this was something actually wrong until a month or two ago.

sorry for ranting

Hey there, padparadcha. Welcome to the boards.

Before I say anything else, I just want to validate your feelings of frustration. It's not an overreaction to feel upset or frustrated when we are trying to experience pleasure and can't. You get to have those feelings!

If it's okay, I'd like to see if we can't roll this back to start by looking at your experiences of pleasure in the past and now that are *not* genital.

You say you don't experience pleasure or good feeling from touching any part of yourself. Are you talking just about genitals there, or about your whole physical body? For instance, if you have a headache and rub your temples, does that feel good? Or, say, if you are putting lotion on your body after a shower or bath, do you experience any feelings of pleasure with something like that: in your hands, across what body parts you're touching, from the sensory feel or smell of the lotion?

On a similar note, do you feel like you have any general issues or just -- nothingness -- from your whole sense of touch? Does it feel good to touch something silky or warm or cool? Or is it all just...meh? If so, do you feel like you and any or all of your other senses are more connected, like your sense of taste or sound?

Can you also roll me back to an experience that has come before you started masturbating with genital touch? Like, what brought you to the choice to try and masturbate? How did you feel when you started, physically and emotionally? Did you start with any frustration or worry that it wasn't going to feel how you wanted? With that experience, did you take time touching other parts of your body besides your genitals? How did that feel?

thanks for the reply and asking questions -- im not very good at explaining without direction, especially about emotional stuff.

i really dont feel pleasure from touching myself, including my whole body. the places expected to be sensitive are sensitive, but i dont get anything from rubbing my temples or putting on lotion. the only thing i can think of that would fit what your asking is when i massage a knot in my neck or shoulders.

when it comes to my sense of touch, i do have sensory issues. there are bad textures, textures im neutral about, and the only really good things ive felt is a super soft blanket or sheets fresh from the dryer. but yeah, other than that its just "meh." im not sure what you mean by feeling more connected with my other senses, but i don't think so?

lastly, to answer you third question, i was on the internet pretty early in my life and found porn when i was around 8, i think. i was really curious about that and was just exploring myself and the parts that no one had ever told me about. i cant really remember when it shifted from exploration to actual masturbation, just that at some point it was to respond to being aroused.
you asked: "Did you start with any frustration or worry that it wasn't going to feel how you wanted?" and i dont think i ever did until i realized i wasnt getting anything out of it. ive also tried exploring other parts of myself and it didnt add or detract from the experience.

thanks again for replying!

Hi padparadscha,

Thank you for all those additional details!

As for what Heather was getting at with that question about other senses, I think what they meant was--since your sense of touch doesn't do much for you--are there other senses where you do get a lot of pleasure (or sensation more generally) from them. That could be something like ASMR from music or certain sounds, or a lot of pleasure from food or from smells, things like that.

Too, I'm wondering if some of what's going on here is anhedonia, or a lack of pleasure more generally that's associated with depression, since it sounds like you've been dealing with some mental health stuff for awhile. Do you feel like there are lots of things you get pleasure and enjoyment from in your life, and masturbation is the exception? Or does it feel like you're often struggling to get those feelings out of life?

i think you may be right sam :') i dont get a lot of pleasure from things in life overall, honestly. thanks for responding -- i think i know what i need to talk to my doc about now!

That's what I was thinking, too.

So, the right person to talk to, then, about this, is going to be a therapist, psychiatrist, or both. The best help for this is often both talk therapy and adjusting depression medications with this in mind. There are also some treatment options specifically for anhedonia your therapist and/or psychiatrist can talk with you about. <3