Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

i need advice

Any questions or discussions that you ONLY want to discuss with our staff or volunteers.
(Users: please do not reply to other users here.)
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

hey! i’ve been having some issues lately that i would like some advice on bc idk what to do

my orgasms arent as intense as they used to be and masturbation just generally feels different now. the first few times ive done it were amazing, but now i just feel a bit empty afterwards?? like my orgasms arent as intense now, and instead of feeling relief after i finish i just feel empty and i yearn for more, but im not horny anymore so i cant really do much.

idk i guess its hard to describe how i feel but i miss how it felt the first time i did it, where i felt so amazing and calm afterwards. nowadays i just feel cruddy and i miss how it used to be. i miss feeling amazing after cumming and not like crap.

idk sorry if the wording is weird on this post, but does anyone have any advice? thanks!
Logan W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2022 8:34 pm
Age: 36
Awesomeness Quotient: I play roller derby and love to skate outside!
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: Lesbian, queer, demiromantic
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Logan W »

Hi SillyMcGoof,

There could be a couple of things that might be affecting this. One could be masturbating in the same way. Switching things up and trying some new things might add some intensity back into it. Another thing could be having a lot on the mind. Is there anything in your life that is changing or causing stress? Sometimes when we have a lot on our minds, we can't fully focus on the task at hand, per say, and it might add to lack of intensity and good feelings. Do any of these resonate with you?
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

hi logan!

i think it could possibly be the first thing, but i guess it’s a bit tricky because im pretty limited in what i can do and use for that stuff.

as for the second thing, i guess im sort of caught up on the fact that it wont feel as good as before and afterwards i’ll just feel like crap instead of feeling amazing and calm like i used to (maybe its post nut clarity??? idk lol)
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Heather »

It might also be helpful to know that it's typical for how we experience sexual response to change all the time throughout our lives: from day to day, week to week, experience to experience, life phase to life phase. Things that create those changes are pretty much every part of life: sleep, if we have any kind of illness, stress, body image, what we've eaten, where we're at hormonally (and not just with sex hormones, but things like our thyroid, adrenal and cortisol levels).

You name it, it plays some part, which is why things with sex are rarely going to stay the same for very long.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

ohhhh ok thanks for the info! is there atleast anything i can do to help ease that empty/sad/icky feelings after masturbation? not to get the same feeling as i used to bc i know that’s probably not obtainable but to atleast not feel so cruddy and feel good/ok afterwards?
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Heather »

That sounds like it's clearly about something emotional. Since chemically, the opposite would be happening, chances are that's about the kind of stuff that tends to leave people feeling that way, namely, shame.

Do you have any sense of what those feelings are about? Have you experienced them in any other context before? And what do you usually do for yourself to help when you're feeling crummy?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

hmm honestly im not sure what it’s about or if i’ve felt it before. honestly i just kinda go to bed or carry on with my day usually when that happens.
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi SillyMcGoof_

Since it sounds like the crummy feelings after masturbation are fairly recent, can you think of anythings that have changed that might be influencing them? That could be feelings about yourself or your body, about, or something else entirely.

As for what to do when you're feeling crummy, either after masturbation or more generally, how about checking out this article for some ideas? Self-Care a La Carte. It's become a bit of a cliche to say self-care is important, but it is genuinely a valuable thing to learn.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

the main thing i can think of thats changed is that ive been doing it at night alot of the time, and now after i orgasm i want to try and do it again but im not aroused anymore. before one felt like enough but now it doesn’t. thats kinda all i can think of tho.

i will check out the self care stuff tho!! thanks :]
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

a bit of an update:

so i dont wanna be too tmi ofc but i masturbated a few minutes ago. this time i ran my fingers up and down the sides of my vulva, like in between the inner and outer labia bc i haven’t tried that yet, and cumming felt amazing! like better than it has recently, and i didn’t feel icky afterwards!! i feel good and calm and stuff!! idk what could have changed and also this could be a one time thing and the next time i masturbate i’ll might feel crummy again but a win is a win!!

also if anyone has any ideas for things such as positions or different kinds of stimulation i can try with my limited recourses to keep things fun that would be great!!
Carly
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 471
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2020 9:13 pm
Age: 32
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: American Midwest

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Carly »

Hey McGoof -- I'm glad you had a good experience! I think we (or I) might have passed on these resources before, but I'd recommend checking out D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition and How Do You Masturbate? for more ideas for positions, kinds of stimulation, or working with limited resources.
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

ok!! thanks :]

one question tho, i dont have access to condoms or lubricant for the diy toys and stuff, is there any alternatives i can use?
Nicole
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 352
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2022 11:18 am
Age: 22
Primary language: EN, ES, RU, UA
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: USA

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Nicole »

Hey SillyMcGoof_,

If you are unable to purchase condoms, some places do give them out but I'm not sure how accessible that is for you. Do you know if your school's nurse's office has them? Planned Parenthood has free condoms and lube. Also, we have a great resource that touches on some items you might have at home that can be used as lube, here's the link: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer.

"Some people use massage oil, baby oil, olive oil, coconut oil, Vaseline, or other oil products as lubricant..." I recommended reading more to see which one works best for you.

Please let me know if this helps!
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

no unfortunately i have no access to those places to get condoms :[

i could ask my brother for some of his but that would be uh very awkward lol.

could something like a glove work? (for masturbation not partnered sex ofc)

as for the lube, i’ll definitely look into it!!
Nicole
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 352
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2022 11:18 am
Age: 22
Primary language: EN, ES, RU, UA
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: USA

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Nicole »

I totally understand the awkwardness!

Yes, absolutely! Gloves and finger cots absolutely work. That was what I was going to recommend next, I just wanted to see if you have any of the resources I mentioned previously. However, these are not lubricated, so it might feel a little uncomfortable if you don't add lube to them yourself.

Here's more information on that: All the Barriers! All the Time! Just scroll down a bit and you'll see pictures of gloves and a finger cot. Please take a look and let me know what you think.
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Heather »

Just a quickie: all those oils up there are *not* okay for using with anything going inside the vagina. For those, you want to avoid Vaseline and any other petroleum products, baby/mineral oil, other oils that don't break down, or any other oils like massage oil that have things added to them and are not designed for genital use. People with penises can use those things on their genitals, but not people with vaginas.

Household oils that can be used are coconut, olive, avocado and other plant-based oils without anything added.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

oh ok thanks to the both of you!!! i just have a few more questions just for some clarification:

1: could/how could i put a glove over something like an electric toothbrush, or other diy toys?

2: the gloves i have on hand are made out of vinyl iirc, so in that case, what kinds of household lube alternatives would be safe to use? (preferably ones that are also safe to use inside the vagina and/or anus)

3: are the gloves safe to put inside my body? i assume they probably are but i have anxiety and figured i should ask just in case lol

thats all i can think of for now but if i think of more i’ll let y’all know!
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: i need advice

Unread post by Heather »

1. Easy! You just use one of the fingers. You can even cut that finger off the glove so the whole glove isn't dangling around.

2. What do you mean the gloves and vinyl? Do you mean like, kitchen gloves? If so, those won't be safe for a barrier since they will have been covered in germs from cleaning. When we say gloves, we mean a latex or polyurethane glove meant for surgical use. And lubes meant for sex or any of the vegetable oils I mentioned above would be safe for use with gloves.

3. See above. Only if it's the right kind of glove.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

oh sorry! i ment more like the clear disposable vinyl gloves. apologies for not being specific enough! i can take another look at the box if you need for more info and stuff :]
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: i need advice

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

would gloves like those be body safe? or should i figure something else out?
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post