Scarleteen

hi!! i saw that another user is having similar problems to me so i figured i should make a thread of my own, as everyones body is different, after all.

i’ve been having trouble figuring out where my g-spot is aswell as how i can stimulate it.

so basically, when i stick a finger about an inch inside the vagina, i feel this sort of ridge/bump thats on the side of my belly, and above that theres a more wrinkly spot, is this the g-spot?

now onto my questions about stimulating it if it is; for me its hard to do it with my fingers because i have really bad hand/eye coordination and its just hard for me to stimulate that exact spot, atleast while im doing something else. i have also tried to use objects but alot of them are too hard and cause pain/discomfort or are too big. im just not sure what objects i could use that arent hard as a rock but also arent too big for me. i really wish i had access to toys but im terrified of asking my mom. any advice?

thanks!!

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

So, with the obvious caveat that we can't be 100% certain what someone else is feeling when they touch their body, it sounds like that spot an inch or so inside the vaginal canal is likely your G-spot.

As far as how to stimulate it, if using your hands is tricky a sex toy that's softer and curved is likely to be a better fit, and D.I.Ying that kind of sex toy can be harder than making something for external stimulation. Too, it may also help to remember that the current understanding is that the G-spot is part of the internal clitoris, so if you're able to stimulate your clitoris you're stimulating the same, basic structure.

ok cool thats good to know!


also i really want to try out toys but im just really scared to ask my mom. its just tricky i guess because i really want something to sort of replicate my fantasies with a toy but im not sure how my mom would react to me asking for one mainly bc im young and also because shes not the most sex positive (and also it would just be very awkward and stressful)

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

Yeah, I can totally understand your frustration. Have you ever had conversations with her about anything sex or sexuality-related before? If so, do you remember how it went? That could be a good precursor to having a conversation with her about toys. With that, let's say you do approach your mom about trying out/purchasing toys, how do you think the conversation will go? Would there be any repercussions if you did approach her about it? Do you need any help with brainstorming how to start the conversation?

For now, I have a piece that I think you might benefit from reading, I'll link it here: About That "Talk" with Your Parents... I know it's not the exact situation you're in, but it might help. Let me know if it resonated with you or not!

i’ve never really had a serious conversation with her about sex before. we’ve made some jokes and stuff (mostly me making said jokes) or maybe a small back and fourth, but never really a serious “sit down and talk” sorta conversation.

if i were to talk to her about getting toys or something of the sort i could see her getting kinda just “uhhh wtf no” about it if that makes sense. especially because i’ve never really talked about the sexual aspects of my life besides maybe going awooga over a person i find hot on the internet. she’d probably just be very shocked and maybe raise her voice a bit, not in anger or anything more just shock as i mentioned. obviously im no psychic so i dont know how it would actually go but thats kinda how i imagine it (also keep in mind that i have anxiety which sorta skews my judgement on stuff like this).

as for the article you provided, it definitely pushed me a bit more in the right direction. i definitely need some more help one way or another when it comes to all this but it definitely still helped!

Hi again!

I think the best course of action here is to finally have that conversation, which can then progress into a conversation about toys (if you feel comfortable of course). I also struggle with anxiety, so when I approach anyone about anything important, I try to write down some key points or questions I want to bring up so I can feel organized and relaxed. This is a very normal thing to be anxious about, which is why it's important to be prepared.

To start, what part of the article did you find resonated with you the most? The piece provides some options on how to start the conversation; however, I think that taking the educational route is safest when the parent isn't the most sex positive, and see where it goes from there. You could start by saying "I learned xyz in my sex education lecture/unit/class, can we talk about it?/what do you think about it?" Do you think that this could work for you?

I do want to be honest--one conversation with your mom might not lead to immediately talking about specifics regarding sex and sexuality, like toys and all that. This might take some time, but it could also allow for the opportunity to understand and learn from each other in the process.

hi again!

i’ll definitely try to write some things down, although it may be a bit tricky because im still not 100% sure where i wanna go with the conversation.

i cant really think of a specific part of the article that resonated with me the most as im not great at thinking of specifics with that stuff. i’ll definitely try to go that route though and see how it goes.

do you have any ideas on points i should include or ways to start the conversation? im sort of stumped when it comes to that stuff i guess.

thanks!!

Can you say a little about what you are looking for in this conversation with your mom? That would help me know what to offer you in terms of how to start a conversation with her.

uhhhh i guess maybe feeling a bit more comfortable around her in terms of opening up, and hopefully being able to get some sexual equipment, maybe trying to convince her to be a bit more sex positive in raising me, maybe more but thats all i can think of rn

Do you think giving her some things to read, like the stuff we have on Scarleteen for parents, would help with some of that?

hm maybe! it wouldn’t hurt to try!

Do you want us to send you some links, or did you find some?

some links would be nice if its not too much trouble!

Okay! I think these two could be really helpful starting places: https://www.scarleteen.com/scarleteen_c ... e_big_five, https://www.scarleteen.com/scarleteen_c ... ce_toolbox

oo yay thanks!! i think im sorta figuring out how i should start the conversation and stuff now!
one question tho, could i do it via text or should i do it irl?

That's really up to you! Some people find text is easier because you can compose your thoughts in a way that's hard to do in person, but at the same time tone and other signals can be hard to read through text, which can open up extra avenues for misunderstandings.

ok thats good to know! i’ll do some reading and thinking and stuff on my own and let you know if anything else comes up :]

oh! one more question for now; do you have any recourses (either here or from somewhere else) regarding the benefits for parents buying toys and other sexual equipment for their kids? just so then i have something to go off of and stuff

Hi there SillyMcGoof_, did you find anything in the Scarleteen Confidential resources for parents useful? There is also a big list there of other parents in terms of resources, and some of those have information about speaking to kids about masturbation, and the benefits of allowing safe sexual exploration that you might find useful there.

I'd also like to flag that as the specifics of self pleasure you want to explore are quite intimate information, and you haven't had a discussion more generally about sex with your Mom before, that this might be going from 0 - 100 quite quickly in terms of intimacy level, so starting at a more "I'd like to be able to talk to you about sex" level might be a good way to enter this conversation and hopefully work out the way of approaching this that works for you? This could look like sharing some information about the benefits of an open dialogue first, how does that sound?

hey there!

to answer your first question, i did! although, i haven’t had the time to look through everything yet. in hindsight i probably should have done that before asking this question, so apologies for that. also i’ll definitely look into that other list of recourses!


i also guess i haven’t really thought about how that would be sorta quick to bring that topic up. thanks for bringing that up to me as i probably wouldn’t have realized earlier lol! i definitely think using the approach you suggested would be alot better, and i’ll definitely make a mental (and physical) note to do that! thanks!!

update: so i talked to her and it went pretty decently! although she did basically say that i can only watch educational sex related stuff (so i assume that means no porn…which i consume pretty often) so idrk what to do on that front. especially when it comes to eventually maybe asking her to get me a toy or something bc if she doesn’t want me looking at porn idk what she would say to that (it definitely could just be her wanting to keep me safe but idk)

Glad to hear it!

Maybe this is a cue for you for a second conversation? You could ask to talk about what her concerns about porn are, for example.

Of course, her being okay with you watching porn doesn't necessarily mean she won't be okay buying you a toy. Mind you, many parents aren't comfortable doing that for a handful of reasons, so it still may be your best bet is to save up some money from something like birthdays or holidays and buy one yourself. Quite a few great vibrators are not sold as sex toys and can be found via online retailers, or even places like Target.

oo ok i’ll do that and keep those things in mind! thanks!!