how to be more sexually confident with LDR boyfriend

[golden&lab]

so im in a long distance relationship with this really amazing guy from india. we started off as friends for over a year and have now been dating for almost 4 months.

right away within the first few weeks we started having video cam sex, and at the time he wasn't too busy since he had time off from school so we could be on call for a long time.. i found it took me a long time to orgasm (two reasons: body confidence issues, trying new things). when he started up his classes again, he was busy so i felt bad that i took so long, since his schedule is so busy with classes and part-time work. how do we deal with that? he knows i take so long, so he told me we could start together and if he has to be somewhere he would let me know, but wouldnt it be awkward if he has to leave in the middle??

two, he's asked if i could show myself when he wants to get off which i like that he asks me and he's always so polite about it, but i have self confidence struggles so even though i want to and love that he is attracted to me idk how to get out of my head even for such a simple thing as him asking if i could remove my bra.

three, he also asked that if i wanted when i was feeling aroused if i wanted him to be there to just let him know but once again i havent because i feel so bad i take so long. but he also let me know he wishes i would initiate more.. so 1. how do i initiate say on text to progress onto video call where it's not so out there since he knows im shy. 2. if we are already on a video call (we often study our separate subjects but in each others company but then have 5-10 min chatting breaks, or each morning and night we talk for 15-20 mins and then he might stay on call while i sleep and vise versa, or we are just doing things in our room but are together) and we get talking and i become aroused how do i initiate at this point?

[Sam W]

Hi golden&lab,

With those issue of self-confidence, I think this article can be a really good starting place for unlearning some of the things that often make women feel self-conscious during sex: The Sex Goddess Blues: Building Sexual Confidence, Busting Perfectionism. Too, it's absolutely okay if there are things you're just not comfortable doing right now (or ever); how we express and engage in sex looks different for everybody, and you're the expert on what ways of engaging with it do, and don't, feel right for you.

As far as communicating when you're aroused, when you think about just saying "hey, I'm feeling (whatever word you use to say aroused in sexy context). Do you want to do something" how does that feel? Does it feel too blunt or out of the blue? Something else?

[golden&lab]

are there any other phrases i could use?

[Sam W]

Sure! It really all depends on what feels comfortable to you, although at a certain point you want to make sure you're being clear about what you're actually asking for.

Let's start with this: if you could snap your fingers and have it go just how you wanted it to, how would you telling him you're interested in taking things a sexual direction go?

[golden&lab]

like do you mean how he would react?

[Heather]

Hey there. Before I say anything else, I just want to cover some safety here.

Are you both over 18? That's a big deal legally in some areas.

Have you made some agreements about your privacy and safety with this? If I have it right, it's sounding to me like you're the only person being exposed here, and because you haven't met this guy in person yet (and I don't know if you've checked his identity and such to be sure he is who you think he is), I'd want to be sure you aren't using or making anything that could be shared in ways you don't want.

[golden&lab]

Yes we are both over 18. And yes we both have agreed to a privacy and safety rule (no sexy pictures, no taking pictures of each other naked while on call, etc). He was actually the one who brought it up in the first place. And yes, I have checked his identity.

[Heather]

Just wanted to make sure.