Scarleteen

hi there, im currently in a LDR with this guy from india for almost 4 months now (we were friends awhile before this though). i struggle to initate cam sex because i also have no idea too..

i wanted to know what are some good foreplay ideas that would work for both of us but that won't take hours.. as well as ideas for different positions i could try. what are different things we could try that would make it more fun and interesting so that we could have a few different methods kinda thing.

we also are both interested in bdsm but how could we do this on video online?? and what could i do to be a dom as well since i know that's one of his fantasies. what punishments could i give out, what words could i use? ive struggled to come up with phrases because i typically think of the typical male dom, female sub complex.

ive also struggled for any sort of dirty talk when he asks what i would do to him. and even the phrasing since it's not like i can use prior experience we have had in person like im going to do this to you, etc. and what would i do to him lol??

Hi golden&lab,

So, I actually think a great starting place for figuring all this out is for you two to talk about it! That's especially true with things like the BDSM components, where he's going to be the only person who can tell you what he wants that to involve (and if there are any things that you need to avoid). The same goes for foreplay (which is already tricky to define, because it means different things to different people), since you're each going to be the expert on what you find arousing. If you haven't already seen it, this tool of ours can help with those conversations: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... een_zine_0

Too, I think something that would be helpful is to get comfortable with the idea that sex involves quite a bit of experimentation. You may have to try out different positions, or order activities in different ways, or play with different dynamics, things like that. It can sometimes feel like you have to get things "right" right away, but in reality that's just not how sex actually happens, you know?

he's just told me he wants to take charge but idk how to..

Well, then, that's something to ask him for more details about! You can ask him what he envisions when he thinks about that dynamic, or what appeals to him about it, and also if there are any things he, and you, don't want it to include. That way, you have some sense of the boundaries you need to be aware of. Too, is the dynamic he's interested one you're ALSO interested in exploring?

he had mentioned before he wanted to be surprised, so idek what that would entail..

Hi there, golden&lab!

I think not knowing what being surprised would entail is a good reason to have that conversation that Sam mentioned. Talking about the specifics of what you two are interested in doing together won't take away your ability to surprise him. It will help you two gain more clarity, prevent anyone from accidentally getting hurt, and make whatever you do more enjoyable.

The tool that Sam mentioned (https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... een_zine_0) and our Yes, No, Maybe So list are generally useful in having these sorts of conversations. Additionally, I'm given to understand that there are Yes, No, Maybe lists specific to BDSM activities that you can search for. You could use these to guide your conversation, to make sure you're both on the same page and to find inspiration for what to do. Also, I think there are guides and blogs focused on some of the things you wanted help with- for example, incorporating BDSM into a long-distance relationship, or being a female dom with a male sub. These may help you find words/phrases to use and ideas for what you can do together.

I hope this helps!