Scarleteen

I am new on here. I'm 16 years old, I'll be 17 in august, and I live in Colorado springs. Found this place by accident, and looking for some much-needed understanding.
I lost my virginity July 5th of last year with a good friend. We were together multiple times but I never looked at him as a boyfriend. In mid-august he wanted to know if he could start seeing another girl, I didn't tell him no because we weren't in a committed relationship. I didn't know who the girl was, I didn't want to know, he did tell her about me but referred to me as a girl on the side, I got my feelings all hurt from all of that. Last time I was with him was the end of october, I don't even talk to him anymore.
In February I met a boy at a friend's birthday party, we hit it off quite well, we kept in touch all the time, and we started talking about having sex together. The problem is that we never found the time or the privacy to have sex, we had a few times where we nearly made it work but something always got in the way. By the end of March I was so frustrated with trying to have sex with him that I stopped talking to him.
This week has been weird for me, all I wanted to do was have sex, that was all that was on my mind, the urge of wanting it was like nothing I've ever had. Yesterday I had the house all to myself, and I contacted a few friends with the idea of whoever came over was the one that I was going to have sex with. One of my friends came over and we had sex, we had a wonderful time together, we both agreed that we would like to get together and do it again. Nothing about boyfriend or girlfriend came up, we're only friends and I only see him as that.
My first friend leaves, and my other friend contacts me and says he could come over but only for 30 minutes, sex wasn't part of our conversation but there were some hidden signals from him and maybe I was also tossing some hidden signals. I still had this hyper sex drive, I was thinking about having sex with him but I was also thinking that it would be wrong since I just had sex with my other friend. I did get a shower, I did change the sheets on the bed, but I still wasn't sure if I was going to do it or not. He comes over, sure enough we have sex, wasn't as good as my first friend and it was a bit awkward between us and I think it was because his style was different than the other guy, but we still enjoyed it.
That's what I did yesterday, I'm okay with what I did, mostly surprised that I did it. Had no sleep last night at all, had no negative thoughts, it was all WOW thoughts.
How do I make this right? Was it cheating? Should I tell them that I was with both of them that day? I don't think I'm going to have sex with the second guy again anyway, it wasn't as amazing as the first guy, and maybe that's a good thing?
What do I tell my mom? We have a good relationship, she knew about the first boy and knew that I was having sex with him and she even met him a few times. My mom wants me to stay very truthful about my sex life with her, I get no judgment from her, but how do I tell her all of this? Or should I tell her? She does know these two boys because I've known both of them for a couple years, she's not going to look at them differently, yet part of me doesn't want to tell her.
I don't regret yesterday, but I don't want any problems because of it
And why did I have such a hyper need for sex? That's never happened to me before.
The big question I have is how normal is it to have sex with two different guys in one day? I didn't plan it, it happened, yet how should I feel about it? How would they feel if they both knew about it?
I got nothing more to say.

Hi Redstones,

Let's start with your concerns about heading off problems that might be budding in those friendships as a result of yesterday. It sounds like the first friend and you were pretty open about being interested in doing the same thing again. In that conversation, did it feel like you shared an understanding that this was going to be casual for the foreseeable future? And when he'd initially come over, had you been up front with him about what you were interested in?

With the second friend, what was the conversation that lead to you two having sex? And did you talk about it at all afterwards?

If you haven't already done so, I think giving this piece a read might also help you out in terms of troubleshooting casual sex: Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex.

As for whether to tell your mom, that's entirely up to you, though I will say even the most sex positive of parents might be a little startled or thrown off by learning their teenager had sex with two people in one day (not because there's anything wrong with it, to be clear, but because it's not something people assume teenagers do). Too, you mention her wanting you to be truthful about sex stuff. But how much do you want to--or feel comfortable--sharing with her?

When it comes to why you had this spike in your sex drive, that's tricky to answer because our interest in sex on a given day is influenced by so. many. things. Hormones, stress, feeling relaxed, encountering things that arouse us, and a whole host of other elements can go into how interested we are in sex that day. And I will say that those kinds of fluctuations can feel, or be, more extreme when you're in the midst of puberty (which, at 16, you still are), so that could also be playing a role here.

My first friend knew he was coming over to have sex without me saying it but I still asked him if he wanted to have sex with me when he came to my house, I also told him that I only wanted to stay friends with him. Sex with him was very natural, it was a great time.
My second friend was still great but I did it because I knew he was coming over to my house and I knew he was expecting to have sex with me. I felt pressured to do it, none of the pressure came from him it all came from myself because I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do it. It wasn't the same with him at all, I simply went with the flow. A small part of me wanted to do it with him, I do like him, I wasn't really thinking about what I would think afterwards though.
My worry is that they will talk. They both know that I had sex last year, and I also know about their partners, and I know that this is going to be brought up eventually..
One of them was good enough, I never should have been with both of them. All I thought about today was how to talk to them about it. I think the casual aex idea is great, I think I'm more comfortable with that than having an actual boyfriend, but I need to choose which one I'm going to stick with and tell them about it.

As for my mom she noticed how tired I was today,, she asked if I stayed up late last night, She also asked if I watched a movie, I couldn't think of a quick enough answer. My mom knows something's up, that conversation is coming too.

How all this happened is that I knew my mom would be gone for the day and most of the night, that gave me that sexual urge of maybe inviting a guy over and doing something, and that created all of this.

On a bright note school was very normal with all three of us today, nothing even came up. Thankful for that!

Hey there, Redstones.

So, something I want to bring up is thinking about how to make your best decisions about sex when you're feeling a desire for it. Obviously, just wanting to be sexual doesn't mean it's always going to be the right choice for us once we are or are potentially involving other people, and sometimes when we want sex the most is when it's hardest to make our best choices about it.

Things that might make any situation like that not be right for you or someone else, or not be a great choice are things like:
• not feeling prepared or patient enough to have conversations ahead of sex we need to have for our physical and emotional health and that of our partners, including talking about if we currently or recently have had other sexual partners•
• honesty about what we want and are looking for
• not having the time you need to think about what you really want -- you said, for instance, you had sex with one of these people because you thought they expected it, rather than because you really wanted to be sexual with that person. Having time to do real talk for active consenting is a big deal.
• what any given sexual choice means with any other relationships, like with parents.

I do want to say that whether or not these partners talk, I think you have an obligation to talk with anyone you're sexual with about being sexual with others simply because of increased STI risks that presents. We can talk about how to have that conversation if you want.

I think it sounds like we also could stand to talk about the fact that you don't have to "pick and stick with" one of these people. You have a lot of choices here, ands that includes not being sexual with either of them again if that's not what you really want or isn't something you feel ready for.