Am I being as Safe as I Can Be?

[raily_]

Hey everyone, I am a 17-year-old girl who has recently become sexually active with my boyfriend of almost a year in the past few months. I have been on birth control for over 6 months now. I have only missed a pill once within my first 2 months of taking the pills and I always take my pill within an hour window of each other, if even that long. To practice the safest sex we know possible, he uses a condom, uses the withdrawal method (he makes sure to hold the base so the condom does not slip off), and afterward he checks to make sure there was no breakage or leaks that could result in sperm inside of me. Even though I am on birth control, which prevents me from ovulating, I still use my period tracker app to give me a rough estimate of when I would "ovulate" if I was not on birth control so that I don't have sex on those days; just in case there was some freak accident with my birth control and it caused me to ovulate.
I live in a very strict household where sex was never talked about, so imagine my anxiety when I read Reddit posts for hours about pregnancy. I have thankfully found this website and it has comforted me. Do you all think I am being as safe as I can be? Are we being "too safe"? In other words, are we just doing too much? Do you guys think that my chances are as close to zero as they can get?

[Logan W]

Hi raily,

You are using multiple methods to prevent pregnancy and it seems like you are very diligent about taking your birth control pills and checking your period app. I don't think there is a thing as "too safe" so long as you feel comfortable with your methods and it's also helping to ease any anxiety. I would say that you are being as safe as you can be. Is there anything that is causing you to wonder and possibly feel any anxiety about your methods?

[raily_]

Hi loganw, thank you for responding! As effective as all these methods are, I was raised in a very strict religious household. I feel that my anxiety does not necessarily stem from thinking I am going to get pregnant, but more from the fact of the possibility that I could and the repercussions I would face from my family. Sometimes I am just worried that I am part of that "0.01 percent" that gets pregnant even from using these methods, and how it could literally ruin my relationship with my family, on top of the fact that I am only 17 and would not be able to support a child.

Sometimes my anxiety will get the best of me but I have to remind myself that my boyfriend would have to have the best swimmers on the planet for me to be pregnant lol. I am glad that I can find comfort on the website, because where I am from they never even taught us sex ed, the only thing we got was to be "abstinent" and that we would get pregnant no matter what.

[Amanda B]

Hi raily_,

I hope it's okay that I am stepping in here. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very safe at preventing pregnancy. I've also struggled with intense anxiety around unwanted outcomes from sexual activity, so I know where you're coming from!

I would agree with loganw that you are being as safe as you can be. From what you've described, pregnancy risk is very low. But I understand that even with all of this reassurance, it can be easy to slip into a spiral of "worst-case-scenario". When this happens, here are some exercises I have found to be helpful.

Anxiety can be really uncomfortable. It can be easy to try to suppress it when you feel an anxious thought coming on, but often this only makes things worse. I found it can be helpful to practice mindfulness in these situations. Allow yourself to notice the anxiety and acknowledge the experience. You can even try thanking the anxiety for coming up; after all, anxiety's purpose is to keep us safe. Once you've acknowledged the feeling, release it and try to relax. Emphasis on the try, as it can definitely be difficult to relax when in the middle of an anxiety spiral. Repeat this as much as necessary, and just know it may not be a perfect fix, but will definitely help a little.

An additional exercise that may be helpful is recalling other challenging situations you've been through. While it may have been really difficult to overcome, you guided yourself through it. Have some trust in yourself, and know that you're capable of handling challenges.

Finally, I'm so sorry you have only been taught abstinence-only sex education. We're here for you with any questions you may have, and have tons of great articles to check out as well!

[raily_]

Hi raily_,

I hope it's okay that I am stepping in here. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very safe at preventing pregnancy. I've also struggled with intense anxiety around unwanted outcomes from sexual activity, so I know where you're coming from!

Thank you for replying! I will definitely be taking your advice into account it was so helpful, not only because of your help with my anxiety but because you gave me some reassurance that I am not the only one who experiences this. If you don't mind me asking, what are the precautions you take to prevent pregnancy, and have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

[Sam W]

Hi raily,

You know, what each person chooses as their precautions depends a lot on how much work they and their partner are willing to face, what methods work for their bodies and beliefs, and what they even have access to. If you ever want to talk about how to choose the methods that are the best fit for you or what methods you can combine for maximum protection, that's certainly something we can do.

Too, I think you might get some benefit from this thread from other folks talking about how they dealt with their pregnancy scares: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=1892