Scarleteen

Hey I’m V (not real name), and I’m an 18 year old trans guy. I, as most teenagers do, have been experimenting with masturbation. However I have never been able to get something to feel “pleasing”. Ive tried many things, inside and out, but nothing seems to work.

I do experience feelings of horniness and certain thoughts or visuals can get my body to reach aswell in the form of natural lubricant. I also do get the urges to masturbate.
When touching sensitive areas I don’t really feel good. It’s not that I don’t feel anything, it feels kinda nice, but it doesn’t feel “pleasurable” as people always described. However I am not sure wether it feels “kinda nice” because of the actual actions or because of the thoughts.

I also, sort of, experience sexual dreams, however it’s always only the part leading up to the intercourse and it always cuts off right before it. This may be an indication that I, for one reason or another, have a mental blockage towards the topic of sex. Tho I am unsure of the reason.

At first I thought it had to do with bottom dysphoria, but I don’t feel bad about my body as long as I can keep a shirt on, so I think that maybe that’s not the answer.
Is it possible that it is indeed caused by dysphoria, but more so underlying dysphoria that I’m not aware of myself? Is there a chance that it has nothing to do with being trans atall? I don’t have any sexual trauma or anything that could explain it as far as I’m aware.

I’ve read many posts on here and I’ve seen people say that as long as the experience isn’t bad, it doesn’t have to matter if you have a mind blowing orgasm or not. I know and I agree with this however I like having answers for why things are the way they are (part of my autism).

Even if I don’t get an answer out of this, I at least hope that someone with a similar situation will feel a little less alone
Thank you for your time.

- V

Hi V,

It sounds like you're taking the time to explore your body and understand what you enjoy, which is great. Understanding one's sexuality is a lifelong journey, and the sexual relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important ones to nurture. That said, it can be super frustrating if you have the desire to masturbate and feel pleasure, but the pleasure just isn't there.

I understand that you mentioned trying many things already. You may have already tried this, but I'll include this excerpt from our article, Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation:

Masturbation is not always just about genitals. Plenty of people also incorporate touching or stimulating other parts of their bodies: breasts, nipples or chests, thighs, hands or feet, parts of their faces—you name it, somebody’s touched it while masturbating. Some people experiment with certain sexual practices alone, rather than with (or before sharing with) partners, by using new sex toys or certain types of role-play or sexual fantasy.

For many people, it’s common to combine activities like the above, rather than just doing one thing, or stimulating one particular area. You may also find it takes a while to find what really works for you, or that something that was satisfying once isn’t so satisfying anymore, and want to mix it up a bit.

If you've tried everything above and nothing works, it could just be a matter of practice and becoming comfortable. So much of our sexuality and ability to experience pleasure comes from our minds. If we're preoccupied with something else, not in a private space, or simply not feeling it in that moment, it's okay to give yourself grace and try another time.

I don’t find touching my genitals pleasurable, I could never bring myself to an orgasm with touching. What I do is- hump a pillow, as embarrassing as that sounds XD, seriously tho the friction and thrusting motion, the tensing of my leg muscles holding the pillow, that’s what I find pleasurable and gets me to orgasm. I wonder if that could be connected to my autism- the craving for movement perhaps getting incorporated into what I find sexually pleasing? Tho my orgasms are pretty mild and I don’t get as much pleasure as I would like, which I wonder if that has to do with me having a vulva instead of a penis. I think I would find masterbating so much more enjoyable, and could picture myself being sexual, and existing as a sexual creature, if I had a penis. I wonder if their is some dissociation going on between my genitals and my brain from dysphoria (dissociative dysphoria), I know I experience that with my breasts, touching them- it hardly feels like I’m touching my body. So you’re not alone in this, and maybe something I’ve said resonates with you and is helpful.

Ps. I’ve also had sexual dreams and it’s usually when I’m horny and can’t quite masturbate it off.