Scarleteen

Okay so, i'm almost sure is something wrong with my body since i always felt i was weird from a very young age but i never talked about this with anyone and now its getting out of hand cus of my current relationship.

I'm 28y and from a very early age i got in contact with pornography and such, not because i got stimulated by someone but only because i found a tape at the time and watched it out of curiosity and end up learning that if i touched myself i could feel pleasure, since that time i started to dry hump on and continue since nowdays. During my teenage times i notice i couldnt feel good by touching myself, if i touch directly to my body, boobs, clit or insert my fingers i dont feel anything, its like rubbing against skin normally and nothing else, but i still felt something when i dry hump but only on my clit and thats it, but although i didnt felt please with my touch i did felt good with my ex-boyfriends i had during these years but i never had an orgasm, also dont feel pleasure with oral.

Now im on my 3rd relationship and i just stopped feeling good all together. My bf touches me and i dont feel anything, we do have sex but im just bored or want to get it done quickly and many times we didnt even pushed foward cus i was totally dry, we did using lub a few times but still no pleasure at all... dry humping doesnt do much for me also any longer. My bf is kinda sad that we dont it anymore but i also dont wanna do it for the sake of doing it since im afraid to get annoyed with sex at all.

I tried taking a break from all, i tried toys, i tried dressing for him but nothing stimulates me and its making me frustrated. I drink anti-depressant pills but i still feel the sensation of wanting to do it but im unable to feel good from it and honestly i dont know what to do anymore. Nowdays i keep wondering what is pleasure, did i felt any pleasure in all of these years for real? Although im sure none can anwser that question but myself i still would want some advice of what i can do or what i can work on.

Hi GKuma,

It can be so frustrating when our bodies don't behave how we're expecting them to. I do think that what you felt for all those years was, in fact, pleasure, and that something happening now or recently is influencing how you experience pleasure overall.

You mention that you're on anti-depressants, and many of those can have sexual side effects. Does it feel like the sudden drop in pleasure came around the time you started them?

Hi Sam,

I dont think so, tho it did reduced greatly after i take the meds i still felt something, but throught the years it feels like my body is slowly going numb, and its getting frustrating mainly cus i dont know what to do. I had been reducing the dosage of the meds has been a month but no changes so far.

Okay, so it sounds like the medication may have been playing some role but wasn't the only factor contributing to this. Are there any other big life changes or stressors that seem to line up with when you first noticed the decrease in pleasure?

Well has been 3 months i got fired and i still didnt find a job so im mostly helping with money with freelance work this made me end up sleeping later than usual and waking up later than usual, and this also affected my eating routine sometimes i eat once or twice a day while before i would meat 3-4 times a day. Although i like doing remote work i sometimes feel like im constantly doing all by myself (well its not without reason since he is out for work + college through the whole day and just get home around 9-10pm to wake up at 5am) but he does ask me for sex like in the morning or weekends but i still feel nothing aside being sort of annoyed so we end up not doing any.

We've been talking alot recently about it and he saying that he is getting frustrated as well since we dont do anything has been 2 months but at the same time he is sort of patient.

Losing a job can for sure create the kind of stress that can influence the desire for sex (or even just the energy for it). It sounds like you have a few different things coming together to make life stressful and to influence your sex drive, so it's not super surprising that the pleasure you get from, or the interest you have in, sex has been little to none.

Since it sounds like you do still want to be sexual but just can't find a way into that headspace, do you want to talk about some ways you might be able to reconnect with pleasure?

Sure i would be up for it, i had been doing research on my own as waiting for replies from this forum to give me a little guidance.

Okay! Here are some starting places:
How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment
Yield for Pleasure