Scarleteen

Hi guys, another one of my posts. I have been posting a lot (in my opinion) because this is generally my only source of true opinions and where I feel safe. My family is very conservative and, I kid you not, would murder me if they found out I was sexually active. So, here is my long post.

I've been sexually active for a few months now, and I am 100 percent positive I am as safe as possible. I mean I go the whole 9 yards. I am on birth control and I consider myself a perfect user, he obviously wears a condom and pulls out before he finishes (making sure to hold the base), checks after to make sure there were no leaks or breaks, and I track my cycle through an app as if I still ovulate (not having sex during that fertile period), and I recently bought a pack of ovulation strips just to do a little experiment to know my OCP is really doing its job at stopping me from ovulating. The last time I had sex was last Sunday because I am having my withdrawal bleeding right now. It took longer than usual (really only a few hours longer if I am being honest) for my period to come. My period came on a Tuesday; Sunday, and Monday when I started taking the placebo pills I was freaking out, even after two negative pregnancy tests my anxiety still would not let go of the fact that I did something that could result in pregnancy. I knew I wasn't pregnant but I still freaked out.
Even this Saturday morning, I took a pregnancy test at my first pee of the day, negative, but still in the back of my mind I worry.
My anxiety has gone so far as to tell me my weight gain is from pregnancy (when in reality its because I started going to the gym this week so I could gain more weight and put on muscle and drinking protein shakes that is causing my weight gain)
How do I get past this anxiety? I know deep down I am not pregnant, but I can't seem to let it go. I know some would say I should just stop having sex if it's this bad for me, but I don't want to. I enjoy sex and I enjoy the closeness and intimacy that comes with it, so if there are any opinions that could help me get past this anxiety I would greatly appreciate it.

Hey raily_,

If it's helpful, a deep breath at the moment you're reading this may provide some relief.

Anxiety is some tricky business. Ultimately, its purpose is to protect us. But sometimes it can do its job too well, and send us into a panic when we're actually completely safe. So, I'd start by acknowledging the anxiety and thanking it for keeping you safe and sound.

Now, let's get into how to overcome this dilemma. I know you said you enjoy sex and don't really want to stop. Sex can be a wonderful thing, and as you said, it can help us feel intimate and close to the people we care about. However, it may be helpful to take a temporary break from the type of sex that can cause pregnancy in order to get down to the root of the anxiety. Maybe try engaging in massage, mutual masturbation (you and your partner masturbating next to each other), or taking a bath together. There are many ways to enjoy intimacy and closeness with a partner that doesn't involve the risk of pregnancy. While I'm not saying you need to stop having penetrative sex forever, it could be really helpful to enjoy some lower-risk activities while still enjoying each other's company.

If you're able to abstain from sex that can cause pregnancy for a period of time, this could be a great opportunity to practice some introspection. Where do you think this severe anxiety around pregnancy is coming from? I understand your family is a large factor in the anxiety. Familial support is so important, and I know it must be difficult to imagine their reactions if they knew you were sexually active. Could you think of other groups you have or could seek out support from? For instance, is your partner aware of this anxiety? It could be helpful to talk things out with them as well. Some additional questions to consider include the following, from an article I highly recommend checking out:

Have a Little Faith in BC:

Are you feeling guilt about being sexually active and that's convincing you you'll get pregnant as "punishment" for doing something wrong? Is something else up between you and your partner(s) that might be manifesting itself as a pregnancy worry? Would you just feel better also using a backup method? Is this kind of sex even something you really want to be doing and feel ready for at this time in your life? Or, do you think you might be dealing with an overall anxiety issue that needs to be addressed by a professional?

Finally, I'll leave you with some additional articles from our site that may be helpful to look into if you haven't already. Both Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That? and The Pregnancy Panic Companion may be good to have on hand when the anxiety starts to take over. Ultimately, trust that you've overcome difficult things before, and you'll be able to overcome this anxiety. So be patient and make sure you're leaving some time for self-love as well.