Miscommunication
Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2023 5:45 pm
Not sure what to label this, but I’m dealing with some awkwardness with a friend and IDK how to handle it.
Long story short, a while ago she told me about a situation where she said she wasn’t sure whether or not someone did something that was actually non-consensual, but that she felt upset by it since it reminded her of something she experienced with an ex.
From the way she initially described her situation, it seemed like there was a misunderstanding between her and this partner, so I asked if she talked with this person about this kind of activity before/maybe there was a miscommunication. But then as she gave more info about the situation, it totally changed what I thought and I was like, “Oh yikes, this is different from what I first thought”; and she admitted that her therapist says she makes excuses for people when they do crappy things (which, in hindsight, it seems that’s what happened when she was initially telling me about this person).
So then a couple weeks later, she told me I invalidated her feelings by saying something like “it’s okay if they crossed your boundaries if they were a long-term partner”, which I would never ever say, but at the same time I didn’t want to invalidate her feelings; So I basically said that that’s not what I was saying, but that I’m sorry if anything I said ever came off that way and that I’ll be more mindful in the future.
But really, now I’m just like… IDK what to even do, since I very much am not a trauma counselor, and I don’t want to invalidate my friend’s feelings (especially as a trauma survivor myself), but I also know I would not say or think anything like the above quote, and I also don’t want to potentially hurt my friend again going forward. IDK, I’m just not sure what to do.
Long story short, a while ago she told me about a situation where she said she wasn’t sure whether or not someone did something that was actually non-consensual, but that she felt upset by it since it reminded her of something she experienced with an ex.
From the way she initially described her situation, it seemed like there was a misunderstanding between her and this partner, so I asked if she talked with this person about this kind of activity before/maybe there was a miscommunication. But then as she gave more info about the situation, it totally changed what I thought and I was like, “Oh yikes, this is different from what I first thought”; and she admitted that her therapist says she makes excuses for people when they do crappy things (which, in hindsight, it seems that’s what happened when she was initially telling me about this person).
So then a couple weeks later, she told me I invalidated her feelings by saying something like “it’s okay if they crossed your boundaries if they were a long-term partner”, which I would never ever say, but at the same time I didn’t want to invalidate her feelings; So I basically said that that’s not what I was saying, but that I’m sorry if anything I said ever came off that way and that I’ll be more mindful in the future.
But really, now I’m just like… IDK what to even do, since I very much am not a trauma counselor, and I don’t want to invalidate my friend’s feelings (especially as a trauma survivor myself), but I also know I would not say or think anything like the above quote, and I also don’t want to potentially hurt my friend again going forward. IDK, I’m just not sure what to do.