Lesbian or Bi???

[sof_ia44]

I've been struggling a lot recently trying to figure out my sexuality.
I know for sure that I like girls both romantically and physically, but I'm not sure about guys. I think maybe romantically? But I also can't really tell the difference between desiring a romantic relationship with a guy vs just an emotional relationship with a guy. Does that make sense?? By emotional I mean like a trusting and intimate relationship minus the romantic and sexual part. I know for sure that I don't ever want to have sex with a guy, but I'm just not sure about the romantic part. I don't think I want a romantic relationship with a guy, but I just don't really know for sure. Sometimes I think it's just because I want the validation from a guy? If that makes sense? It's just been annoying and confusing. I know I shouldn't feel like I HAVE to find out exactly what my sexuality is, but I feel like if I do it'll help me understand myself more and not have such an identity issue all the time.
Any insights or advice would be great.

[Latha]

Hi there, Sofia!

Honestly, that does sound like it would be annoying and confusing- what you're saying makes sense. I can't tell you for sure what your sexuality is, because that's something you get to define for yourself, but I can give you my thoughts- I hope they may offer you some comfort.

You're right, there isn't really an obvious distinction between romantic and emotional relationships as you described them. Too, I think the people in a relationship get to define its nature together- something that could be romantic in one relationship could be platonic in another. Given that, it is understandable that you can't easily tell the difference.

I think a lot of sapphic people ask themselves this kind of question: 'Do I want to date guys because I like them romantically, or do I want the validation dating them would give me?'. It isn't a simple task to separate these motivations. Yet, something that stood out to me in your question is that you're sure you want a relationship with a girl, and you think you don't want a relationship with a guy, but you're doubting yourself on the latter. You can definitely have close, emotional, platonic relationships with guys- if you don't want those relationships to be romantic, they don't have to be.

It's great that you know that you don't need to have your sexuality all figured out now- that said, I understand the desire to have an answer. I want to add that you can choose a 'best-fit' answer for now. You can always change it if you find something that fits better later, or if your experience of your sexuality changes. If there is ever a time in the future when you do want a romantic relationship with a guy, you can adjust your labels then.

[sof_ia44]

Thank you SO MUCH for your reply. I'm feeling really validated now and a lot better. What you said makes a lot of sense and definitely helps.
Thanks so much for taking the time to understand and reply )