Scarleteen

I've been struggling a lot recently trying to figure out my sexuality.
I know for sure that I like girls both romantically and physically, but I'm not sure about guys. I think maybe romantically? But I also can't really tell the difference between desiring a romantic relationship with a guy vs just an emotional relationship with a guy. Does that make sense?? By emotional I mean like a trusting and intimate relationship minus the romantic and sexual part. I know for sure that I don't ever want to have sex with a guy, but I'm just not sure about the romantic part. I don't think I want a romantic relationship with a guy, but I just don't really know for sure. Sometimes I think it's just because I want the validation from a guy? If that makes sense? It's just been annoying and confusing. I know I shouldn't feel like I HAVE to find out exactly what my sexuality is, but I feel like if I do it'll help me understand myself more and not have such an identity issue all the time.
Any insights or advice would be great.

Hi there, Sofia!

Honestly, that does sound like it would be annoying and confusing- what you're saying makes sense. I can't tell you for sure what your sexuality is, because that's something you get to define for yourself, but I can give you my thoughts- I hope they may offer you some comfort.

You're right, there isn't really an obvious distinction between romantic and emotional relationships as you described them. Too, I think the people in a relationship get to define its nature together- something that could be romantic in one relationship could be platonic in another. Given that, it is understandable that you can't easily tell the difference.

I think a lot of sapphic people ask themselves this kind of question: 'Do I want to date guys because I like them romantically, or do I want the validation dating them would give me?'. It isn't a simple task to separate these motivations. Yet, something that stood out to me in your question is that you're sure you want a relationship with a girl, and you think you don't want a relationship with a guy, but you're doubting yourself on the latter. You can definitely have close, emotional, platonic relationships with guys- if you don't want those relationships to be romantic, they don't have to be.

It's great that you know that you don't need to have your sexuality all figured out now- that said, I understand the desire to have an answer. I want to add that you can choose a 'best-fit' answer for now. You can always change it if you find something that fits better later, or if your experience of your sexuality changes. If there is ever a time in the future when you do want a romantic relationship with a guy, you can adjust your labels then.

Thank you SO MUCH for your reply. I'm feeling really validated now and a lot better. What you said makes a lot of sense and definitely helps.
Thanks so much for taking the time to understand and reply )