Resources for practicing safe sadomasochism?

[brungerbulb]

Hi again! As I’m sure many of you volunteers know I’ve gotten a lot out of your site over the past couple years. There is one thing I can’t really look to here for, though, which is my interest in sadomasochism. This pretty reasonable, as even the most basic education about the regular sex stuff can be sparse elsewhere (today I learned my brother thought the clitoris and the urethra were the same thing. Yikes). So it’s not like I think this is something you guys should be making up for. I’m basically just asking if there are any other places you know I could look to for information on S&M, since not a lot is hosted here.

In my head I’ve reasoned that the most reliable sources for this stuff would be either a) testimony from professional dominatrixes, whose entire livelihood basically depends on their ability to hurt people without causing any lasting damage, or b) zines made specifically as instruction manuals for practicing BDSM safely while on a budget. The issues are, of course, where to find these things. I don’t really know of any dominatrixes, either personally (at least, not that I’m aware, which is probably good) or by reputation, and the sites I’ve stumbled across from time to time seem to be more about scheduling sessions or showcasing photos rather than sharing technique. The zines, as well, would likely only exist on a local scale, and I’m not sure how much of what I need to know has been archived online.

(P.S. I’ve maintained a very steady daydream for a few months of being honest-to-god pen-pals with a pro domme. Obviously we wouldn’t really know that much of each other, and I’ve given the fantasy that caveat that I would transcribe all of her letters to my therapist to check for potentially predatory behavior, but I sure would like a place where I could ask Very Particular Questions about my Very Particular situation.)

It’s also something of a predicament that I’m somewhat interested in potentially very dangerous acts, such as recreational acupuncture. I don’t really doubt that guides on how to practice that safely are much fewer than more “mainstream” sadomasochistic acts, such as simple handcuffs or light impact. Obviously I’m not going to try anything that extreme until I’ve gotten enough information to make sure I won’t hit a vein and like, die. That would be really embarrassing to try to explain to St. Peter.

[Latha]

Hi there, Brungerbulb!

Yikes indeed, but that's what we're here for- if you feel comfortable, you could pass this article along to your brother. I'm glad you've found this website to be helpful! : D

You're right, it can be a bit difficult to find this kind of information if you don't know where to look, but it is out there, for sure. I'm not sure about the zines and testimonials, so I will ask in our Slack, and hopefully, someone who does know will get back to you.

Anecdotally, I've heard good things about The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy- you may find additional resources in there.

Also, I like Autostraddle's articles- they have a series on Sadomasochism and Mental Health, which combines "personal writing from the author with real conversations between friends and community members on the intersections between SM, mental health, identity and our interior lives." You may also like their articles about getting kinky on a budget and needle play.

(P.S. You probably already know this, but just saying: our fantasies don't need to be perfectly realistic, we just need to remember how things should go in real life.)