Scarleteen

Hi! I am a female in my early twenties and have in the last couple of years tried to find self pleasure. I have been able to find some pleasure by using my fingers (like pushing against them). A while back I bought myself a vibrator after being a little frustrated that I can’t orgasm. And while using the vibrator and my fingers feel good, after a little while it starts to hurt (I don’t insert anything into my body). The feeling is really hard to explain but kind of like a burning inside and overall not comfortable so I stop and just feel irritated that I am not able to come. This make me feel like there is something wrong with me and I have started to worry that I will not be able to find pleasure when I have intercourse with a future partner (have never been with anyone before). My menstruation is a mess, not coming every month, probably because of some hormonal imbalance and anxiety (which I don’t take medication for), and I don’t know if this can have any part in not being able to find pleasure. I know stress and anxiety can be a big factor of not being able to climax, but I am not stressed when I try to do it by myself. I don’t really know what to do, I have talked to a gynecologist a while back, around my hormones and periods, but didn’t really receive any help with that. So I’m not super excited to go and talk about all this with them.

Hi Mila,

You're right that both stress and hormones can influence pleasure and masturbation, and even if you're not actively stressed in the moment when you try it, they could be playing a role here. Too, did you notice that burning and discomfort when you were using your fingers, or has it only started happening since you got the vibrator? And do you notice similar sensations at other times, or does it only happen when you're masturbating?

Thank you for your reply! It is the same when I try to use my fingers, it feels good for a little bit and then the discomfort come. As far as I have noticed it only comes when I am trying to masturbate.

You're welcome! Does it feel pleasurable at the start and then suddenly switch to uncomfortable or too intense? Or does it go from not feeling like much to being painful?

I would say that it feel somewhat pleasurable but then turn uncomfortable.

Got it. So, it's possible that what you're noticing is that, as you get closer to orgasm, the sensations in your body become too intense and switch from being pleasurable to being uncomfortable. That is something some people notice about their own sexual response. However, if it really does feel like a burning sensation, I would check in with a healthcare provider just to see if there is an underlying, physical cause.

You mentioned that your last visit with a gynecologist was pretty unproductive. Do you have the option to see a different one?

So if that would be my sexual respond there isn’t really anything to do about it?

Yeah I do have the opportunity to see another one so that is maybe something I should do.

Hey Mila -- I wouldn't say there isn't anything to do about it, it's more that a burning feeling or discomfort can be a sign that it's time to talk to a doctor. Based on your description, I think it would be a good idea.

Do you want to talk about what happened the last time you went in?

Hi! Okay I will see if I choose to go and check it out at a gynecologist or not. Last time I went to talk to one I just felt like they didn’t help nor take me serious (I didn’t go for this specific reason though). They said that the problems I had wasn’t normal, but when they couldn’t find the reason behind the problem they just told me to eat birth control pills. So didn’t really feel heard nor that they took me and my problem seriously.

Mila: it sounds like last time the specific gynecologist you saw didn't feel like a good fit for you, or they just were not great, period. Can you choose a different one?

Yeah, I think I should be able to meet another one.

Thanks for all the help!