i feel like i’d be dissapointed if i had a boyfriend with an average size or big penis and i feel kinda guilty about it.

[Raggedyandyfan]

hi !

so i’ve never really seen the appeal of big penises in general. i made a character with one once, but it was just because it fit his general body size (he’s not exactly human) and i’ve been kinda iffy about it since.
for a while i’ve just thought i mainly thought about average sized penises because it was realistic - i mean, it’s called “average size” for a reason.
but i’ve kinda realised recently i’m actually into small penises, to the point i might consider it a fetish. i generally mean 4 inches and smaller, but i prefer 2 inches or smaller. i’m not sure why, i’m just really attracted to them - and i’m not attracted to bigger/average sized penises at all.
whenever people talk about small penises sexually they’re usually talking about humiliation, but i’m not into that. i think they’re really attractive and i wouldn’t wanna keep that a secret. i’m not ashamed of it and i’d never wanna make someone feel bad about it/humiliate them (personally i mean, i know people who do that consent to it and all that jazz. it’s just not my thing.)

i feel like once i get a boyfriend, if he has a penis i’d be dissapointed if it was more than 4 inches. i feel bad about that, i know size shouldn’t really matter but i don’t really like the idea of doing sexual things with someone bigger than that and i’m really turned on by small penises.
i’m not into getting penetrated, if that’s relevant, and i’m not really interested in any sort of intercourse yet because of gender dysphoria around my genitals (i’m afab). just wanted to say that incase that’s important.
i’m not saying it’d be a dealbreaker, i’m not that shallow. i’m just saying i’d feel dissapointed. i know our sex life would probably carry on just fine and all that.

is this normal ? should i feel bad about this ? am i a bad person ?

[Heather]

Hi there. It's okay to have preferences. That doesn't make you a bad person. But we do want to remember when we're talking about body parts that those parts are attached to people and think about what that means. <3

I do want to start by saying that the term "fetish" and the sexological framework of fetishism is actually about objects, or about viewing people or body parts as objects. Because people and our parts are not objects, I will always suggest anyone who is kind of framing things that way when we aren't talking about actual objects (shoes, electrical devices, rope) be sure they're not objectifying people or their parts.

I also think that this is really important to bear in mind if or when you feel like you might be sexualizing something that someone else feels or experiences as a disability or has challenging feelings with. A 2-inch penis (what is often called a micropenis) would be highly unusual, and it's very common for people who have that kind of penis to have some challenges with body image, given the way this is most often presented and treated in the world. Someone being highly sexual about or with something we are going through a process of developing confidence or esteem around can actually be a pretty bad mix sometimes, particularly if someone isn't at or near the part of that process where they feel ready to have sexual experiences. We can talk more about this if you want, but do you generally get what I mean here?

I also want to add that no one's body parts or the having of them means that anyone else is obligated to do anything with them unless they want to (and the other person does, too). Just because someone has a penis doesn't mean you have to do anything with it, or have sex in ways you don't want or don't feel right. Too, whatever kind of body parts a partner has, if you want to engage with something smaller or bigger or wider or thinner or entirely different than they have on offer, this is something where sex toys often come into play for people, very much including with partners.

I do suspect that once or if you're seeing penises that are actually attached to whole, entire people that you know -- which is very different than in the abstract, illustration and/or porn -- some of what I am saying here may be more apparent. I also suspect you might not be as focused on genital size as you are right now, with this not attached to an actual person with actual feelings in whom you have a relationship. For that reason, I both wouldn't worry about this the way you are, but I maybe also would try not to focus on it so much, you know? Trying to do a lot of this in the abstract is often so much harder than it is once we are just around a person who we like and care about and are into: we often need those real specifics to have any sense of how we feel and what we want, because it can be very different from person to person and experience to experience, and it's rarely going to be about something like how many inches a part of their body is.


How does all of this feel for you?