Why Can't I Orgasm During Masturbation?

[mementomori]

I'm sixteen and recently new to masturbation and tried every technique I've seen online. I don't use vibrators or anything because my family is strictly catholic and would have heart failure if they found out. I always feel like I'm going orgasm but then I don't and feel even more depressed then before I started. Why can't I orgasm?

[Sam W]

Hi mementomori,

You're already doing one of the big things we recommend, which is experimenting with different ways of masturbating to see what feels best to your body, so kudos for that!

When you reach that point of feeling like you're close to orgasm, what generally happens? Does it feel too intense and like you end up pulling back from the sensation? Like you get kind of "stuck" at one level of arousal? Something else entirely?

[mementomori]

It feels like I have to pee (but I don't) and I keep going at a steady pace and stuff that is recommended and try not to think too much about it, but it just doesn't happen even after being patient.

[Michaela]

Hi mementomori,

When you wrote that you try not to think about it, I’m assuming that you’re talking about the pressure to orgasm, which is great because worrying and stressing would interfere with arousal and pleasure. So, what types of things do you tend to be thinking about during masturbation? Things like how the sensations feel like in your body? Fantasies? Or does your mind tend to become preoccupied with thinking about other things in life?

[mementomori]

More or less whatever comes up. Life, the latest book I'm reading, this guy I'm attracted to or whatever.

[Latha]

Hello mementomori,

You know, a lot of the experience of pleasure is about what happens in your head. It might help if your mind is fully engaged with what you're doing, through things like fantasies, or focusing on how different sensations feel. If you'd like, you could check out this article: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
It may give you some ideas on how to engage with fantasies.