confused and anxious

[anonyminpanick]

Hi! I am in great need of advice, even though my question may come off as stupid to many.

I had protected intercourse with my boyfriend. He came in the condom, went to the bathroom, wiped himself with a towel. After cuddling for around 15 minutes, we decided to go for round 2. Problem is- we are still very new to this, so we had a little bit of trouble putting a new condom on. We put it inside out, and quickly put it correctly after that. But the "outside", lubed part still touched him and then went inside me. I know dried sperm can hardly resist, there was nothing direct, he wiped etc., etc., but that doesn't make me less scared. So I am in great need of advice, and an answer to the question: are there any chances of pregnancy?

[Sam W]

Hi anonyminpanick,

So, this is a situation that's very unlikely to result in pregnancy, but where it's hard to say there's zero risk. That's because there could have been direct contact with pre-ejaculate during intercourse if there was some on the condom as a result of it having been initially put on inside out on his penis.

How many days ago did this happen?

[anonyminpanick]

Hi again, thank you so much for your answer! This happened yesterday, and we are really blaming ourselves for not paying enough attention. There was just a slight problem on the second round- when put correctly, the condom didn't stay properly. We tried putting it inside out, thinking that was the right way after the first failure, and then we immediately put it correctly. That made us possibly mess up badly.

[Sam W]

You're welcome!

So, like I said, this is pretty low risk in terms of pregnancy. But if you want to decrease your chances as much as possible, you still have time to take emergency contraception. If that's an option you want to pursue, we can help you figure out how to get it if you're not sure how.

[anonyminpanick]

Hi, i am sorry for coming back with this problem, but right now, i am in great seek of... reassurement.

I took emergency contraception(the one with levonogestrel) in less than 48 hours, but with that, other worries blossomed. What if i already ovulated? What if I was too late, and the ovulation already happened?

Again.. I know we can just wait and see, but I am afraid that what I tried to save the situation was not enough.

[Jacob]

Hi anonyminpanick!

I think it's good you've recognised this as 'seeking reassurance'.

Whenever that happens there's a very very high chance that the reassurance we're seeking is not the thing we need (which is probably while it feels so confusing to recieve it and want more). That's the same reason I'm not going to speculate about your pregnancy risk, it just won't be helpful. It sounds like you have a higher-than-average knowledge of ovulation, contraception effectiveness, all that stuff, and the ability to research all the tiny things that have gone into your decision making. The difficulty comes in trusting ourselves and our decision making when there are deeper fears troubling us.

Pregnancy risk is one of those fears (probably because of centuries of misogyny etc etc) which stands in for other sources of shame, fear or anxiety.

So, where else do you think the anxiety could be coming from for you? You mentioned this was a new experiene with your boyfriend. How is your relationship? How do you feel about the sex?

Maybe there are ways of addressing the anxiety itself or issues with the relationship, and how you feel about sex in gereral which could be helpful?