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trying to help out a friend?

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Gluggaveður
not a newbie
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri May 19, 2023 1:06 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: I try.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: agender/genderfluid, asexual, demi-romantic, queer
Location: nowhere in particular

trying to help out a friend?

Unread post by Gluggaveður »

there is a dear friend of mine who is having trouble with their parents. they are nearly sixteen years old and as many sixteen-year-olds do, they want to be more of their own person: they want to wear makeup occasionally, use instagram, go to alcohol-free parties because there are never parties where they live and they want to enjoy their teenage experience when they have the opportunity. however, their parents are having issues with them growing up, making comments like, "oh, you look so much older when you wear makeup", and having a strong resistance to a sixteen-year-old having an art instagram account. whenever my friend tries to talk to their parents about how they'll eventually have to come to terms with their child growing up, they don't seem to listen or absorb any of it and they generally shut the conversation down.

I happen to have a very close relationship both with my friend and with their parents, so I thought perhaps I could do anything to help my friend because their attempts to communicate are not working. however, I'm not sure if that would be overstepping my boundaries or if they need an outside perspective. I understand that this is their issue to deal with and perhaps I should not get involved. I do think my friend's parents could use some counseling to work on this issue, but I am a child and I am perhaps not the best person to give advice on this matter, although I feel they may receive it with a more open mind if the suggestion came from me rather than the child they're having very complicated emotions about.

does anybody have advice? is there anything I can do to help, or should I just leave it to the people involved? I just want to help but I don't know if this is the right way.
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Ellie
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2023 2:57 pm
Age: 23
Awesomeness Quotient: I am a fat liberationist!
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: Queer, aspec, kinky
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: trying to help out a friend?

Unread post by Ellie »

Hi Gluggaveõur,

That sounds like such a frustrating situation. It's really nice that you want to help out your friend. I would start by doing just that: supporting them in whatever they decide to do about this issue. Some advice I received when I was young and was worried about a friend was to "be a pillow rather than a pillar" - meaning a safe place to fall back on rather than the sole support or source of advice. How does that sound to you? Have you asked your friend what kind of support they need from you?
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