Scarleteen

My friend and I have been secretly getting together, sleeping together and doing sexual things together yet only as friends. She was BI before I was, I was curious because of her wanting to be with me. Yesterday when we were together she told me she wanted to play a boy, she wanted me to pretend that she was a boy while we slept together. I know she planned it because of a thing that she brought with her, something that made me uncomfortable yet I still let her use it.
The fun that we had changed between us because she took more control, it wasn't fun for me but I acted like I was having fun. And now she wants to keep on dong this act, wants to be a boy with me and wants to keep on doing what we did. I am afraid of telling her that I only want to do what we were doing originally, I enjoyed the two of us as girls and having fun as girls, I liked doing things with her as a girl.
I want to keep the friendship, I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her run off.

Hey harmless -- welcome to the boards! There's a lot we can talk about here, and I'm not going to be able to touch everything, so let's just start with the communication between you. It sounds like you were uncomfortable from the start with what she wanted to do. What made it hard for you in those moments to speak up about it? What do you think would have happened if you said no?

Also, are you comfortable being a little more specific about what happened that you didn't like? What did you friend bring with her?

To be a little more specific she had a dildo with her. I had a boyfriend before her but was afraid of having sex with him, I think she thought that pretending to be a boy and using a dildo would get me more comfortable with boys.
I like her, maybe that's why I had a hard time saying no? I never said no, I know I said I can't a few times but I never like legitimately said no. I had no clue how uncomfortable I would be while doing it either.
She wanted to do it again on Sunday but I found an excuse and bailed out. She can be a bit on the controlling side but I do like her for that. Learned a lot about sex because of her, yet sometimes she goes a bit to far.
Not happy with her using the dildo on me. It wasn't very painful but it was uncomfortable. She probably thought that doing it would get me to be okay with having sex with boys.
I thought my sexual identify was straight then BI then lesbian for a while, now I am not sure. I was thinking yesterday that I could get back with my ex and maybe spend more time with him and more time away from her.

Hi harmless,

So, I'm going to suggest that we set the question about your sexual orientation aside for a moment to focus on the dynamics in this friendship. But I do want to say that liking, or not liking, vaginal sex isn't the thing that makes someone straight, lesbian, bi, or anything else. Our sexual orientation is more about who we're attracted to, not what specific sexual things we do or don't like or choose to engage in.

I have to say that, from your description, I think it'd be sound to not spend any more time alone, at least in private, with this friend. It sounds like she's at the very least pressuring into sexual things you're not sure you want or explicitly say you can't do. That's really not okay behavior on her part, and honestly it indicates she might not be a safe person for you to have a sexual relationship with (or a friendship for that matter). I hear you saying you are afraid to tell her how you really feel about all this, and that you find she can be controlling and take things to far, and those are all pretty big red flags about any relationship, you know?

Are there people you could spend time with who aren't either her or your ex? It sounds like, right now, having relationships where there isn't a sexual component could be really beneficial to you.