Scarleteen

Hey,

A while back I had touched myself to the thought of being with a girl. I’ve never had any feelings towards girls and don’t see myself having a gay relationship. I’ve been with guys and are attracted to them! I’m just not sure what’s happening? Nothings changed and I still don’t have any attraction to girls after doing that. Is this just a phase?

Thanks!

Hi Naveahlima665,

So, while we can certainly information and our thoughts, the only person who can truly suss out your sexual orientation is you. You're the expert on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and how (or if) you want to name them.

The tricky thing about fantasies and masturbation is that sometimes they can be clues to our sexual orientation, and other times they can mean nothing about it whatsoever. It really depends on the person and the context. From the sound of it, you don't experience attraction to women more generally, and are mainly interested in relationships with men. So that likely means that this fantasy was just something you enjoyed thinking about without being something you want to pursue in real life. Does that make sense?

I guess I’m just wondering if it’s normal to have these fantasies even if I’m not sexually attracted to women? I know I’m not into girls. I just don’t want to be weird and think about those situations

You know, it's actually really tricky to talk about "normal" when it comes to fantasies. Heck, because most people don't share every single fantasy they've engaged with, we don't even have the greatest sense of what's common in terms of fantasy.

What I can say is that we know that plenty of people enjoy fantasizing about things that they can't or don't want to pursue in real life. And that can include things like fantasizing about a gender you're otherwise not attracted to. A lot of fantasy is our brains playing "what if."

Ah ok, so I can think about that once and realize it’s not for me and I’m not into it. Thanks for the help! It’s greatly appreciated

You're very welcome!