Scarleteen

Okay, so I really think I need help with love.I always feel empty because I feel like I really want to have a relationship and find a girl that I really love. But I am quite young and it just wouldn't happen. Although I am in high school. So first of all my parents won't too happy for me to be in a relationship at this age, and secondly I haven't found the girl that I really like. It's so difficult because nowadays people at my age just want erotic love and sex, but I am really looking forward to having somebody that cares about me and have deep conversations with me. Or just someone that understands me.
Another big issue that I am facing is controlling me urges. Because sometimes I have strong sexual urges and I would usually watch porn. But the problem is that I don't enjoy watching porn in general, although I feel excited watching it. I just feel empty and down afterwards because I just don't feel any love. And I feel these porn are sometime too explicit and not really loving, it is all just sexual and no love. On top of this also after I masturbate I feel wasted and lost, because I'm physically tired and feel empty inside. I think it is also affecting me health afterwards although, I only do it 3 or 4 times a week at most and not every time. It just tires me out and not just shortly afterwards but the next day as well because I just feel empty inside, it's like physical and I think it is.
The problem is I only feel these sexual urges when I am lonely or alone. And I am usually lonely, I mean without any relationship of such. The more lonely I am, the more I want to masturbate and watch porn but I don't feel love afterwards and makes me extremely tired; both physical and mentally. Well, I just don't feel any love and I really want to make love to someone I actually like. So how would I help myself from this loop? Should I stop watching porn and masturbating entirely? I feel like it is physically affecting me every time and these are the days that I feel the most tired and unmotivated to do anything. What do I do?

Hi there, Henry- welcome to the boards!

I can see that you really want to find a romantic partner- honestly, that's sweet. It isn't impossible to have a loving relationship at your age, but you're right that some things can make it difficult. It can take time to find someone you like, and for love and understanding to develop in a relationship. You have a limited dating pool, and not everyone is looking for the same thing you are. And your parents might not approve, as you mentioned.

I will say that I wouldn't recommend going behind your parents' backs if you do find someone you like. Since you would like to date sometime in the future, maybe you could sit down with them to talk about their concerns- they may change their mind. (This article could help with that conversation: When Worlds Collide: Dating and Dealing With Parents)

If you end up meeting someone who you want to date, it can help to be upfront about what you want- like having a close, supportive relationship, as opposed to a casual one that is focused primarily on sex.

To address your second paragraph: it isn't wrong to feel such urges or to masturbate and watch porn, but those are not things you have to do. If watching porn or masturbating isn't making you feel good and happy, it isn't a bad idea to cut back on doing those things. If stopping entirely feels right, you can do that.

You've said a few times that you feel lonely- when we feel that way, spending time with a romantic partner can help us feel better, but spending time with our friends and family works too. Do you think that could help?

Yes, I think you're right. Thank you for your advice

Pleased to help! Feel free to ask if you have other questions.