Scarleteen

hi so im gonna try to keep this short but im really scared of getting in trouble bc i’ve (jokingly, nothing serious) sent and said some dirty things to my friends who are around the same age as me (they were all fine with it and did the same sorta stuff btw). i’ve heard you can get charged if you do certain things like that and im really scared bc i dont wanna get in trouble and maybe even go to jail/prison. im even scared just to talk about this bc im scared that i’ll get in trouble for i guess “admitting” to doing this. idk, any advice, thoughts, comfort, etc?

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

Who are you concerned about getting in trouble with? By "dirty things" do you mean sexting? If so, sexting laws vary by state. Legal consequences often have to do with photographs being sent as well. Were photographs part of these exchanges?

Too, can you tell me a bit about your motivations for engaging in this activity? It's important for things like this to be enthusiastically consensual.

hi!! no, its not really sexting. mainly just sending back and fourth sexual stuff as a joke n stuff. photos are sometimes involved but its never of any of us or anything just drawings and stuff like that for us to joke about.

in terms of motivation its not anything bad. it’s mainly just us having fun and goofing off. also its all very consentual, and if anyone starts to get uncomfortable we stop doing it.

idk im just really scared that something will happen bc i dont wanna be separated from my family and pets for god knows how long just for being a dumb kid ig

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

It sounds like these exchanges were light-hearted and consensual. Have you discussed these anxieties with the friends you've been exchanging messages with? Are they experiencing this anxiety as well?

i havent. i have talked about it to my mom tho but im still worried that im gonna go to jail for this stuff. idk

It could be helpful to speak with the friends you exchanged these messages with if that feels safe and accessible to you. How did the conversation go with your mom?

i’ll do that!! the conversation with mom went ok ig. i forget what happened with the first one we had but after that i felt better after a while and now im worried again and after the second conversation im still worried. idk do you think i’ll go to jail or anything like that bc of this?

I'm glad the conversation with your mom went okay! I am not qualified to speak on the legal consequences of this situation. What I can help with is navigating the anxiety you're experiencing. We can think through ways to handle similar anxieties in the future, and how to choose activities and communication styles that align with your comfort level. Does this sound helpful?

yeah that sounds like it’ll help a bit. although i guess the uncertainty makes things a bit worse bc i really dont wanna go to jail or prison or anything and be away from all my loved ones and stuff

It is understandable to fear being away from loved ones. I'm glad it sounds like there are some really important people in your life, and it would certainly be difficult to be away from them. Have you experienced anxiety about legal consequences in the past?

yeah i have. especially recently idk why

I'm sorry to hear you've been having some extra anxiety around this recently! I'd be happy to help explore when and how this all started. I'll start by saying understanding the legal landscape of sexuality can be very complicated. Everything from who is involved, where everything took place, and the details of an experience can all impact legal logistics. I know we've discussed how challenging it can be to have limited understanding and access to information that feels really important to know. Have you been trying to access information on the legality of all this? If so, where have you been trying to access answers? Have you found that obtaining more information has been helpful?

I know for myself, sometimes seeking out more information has actually caused me more anxiety. I thought having all my questions answered would ease my thoughts, but I actually ended up spiraling more. What I found to be helpful was to pause seeking out information externally, and begin looking inward at what was actually causing these fears. Does this sound like a helpful exercise?

By the way, my shift is ending soon but a volunteer should be available to help you soon!

ive been trying to google stuff but a lot of the time that stresses me out too, kinda like what you said. i can try that exercise, although it’s tricky bc not having answers stresses me out but looking stuff up to get answers does too and idrk which one is like less bad ig

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

So, in terms of having answers, it may help to look back at something Amanda said earlier: sexting laws come into play when the things being sent are photos or videos of a person under 18 (usually the person doing the texting or their partner). Since that doesn't sound like what's going on here, I don't see anything you could get in legal trouble over.

When it comes to that exercise Amanda suggested, I think a helpful starting point could be asking yourself if this anxiety is coming from something internal--an anxiety disorder, beliefs about sex, that sort of thing--or if it's tied to something external, like a case that happened in your community or the increase in attempts to criminalize queer or trans existence.

ok thats good to hear. i feel a lot better after hearing that.

i do have an anxiety disorder, maybe multiple as i have a suspicion i may have ocd but havent yet had a chance to talk to a professional about it (also i have cptsd if that counts)

it could also maybe have something to do with the other things you listed, like beliefs about sex or external factors, but im not 100% sure on that

It does sound like, from your post here and other conversations you've had with us, that if you're able to get in and talk with a professional, you'll likely notice at least some of that anxiety decreasing. So I hope you're able to find one fairly soon!

yeah!! hopefully i can get a new therapist soon!! thanks!!