I'm mentally aroused, but can't get my body to be aroused for sex

[Namlessss]

Hi,
So i'm in my first relationship, I've had sex a few times now. But recently discovered that although i do mentally want to do it, my body doesn't feel at all aroused, I may have felt close to the climax but never have passed it. I have never had an interest in any sort of sex or masturbation until now, (I've turned 20 now), but tbh it don't crave it as much as i see other people do. I have never sought for pleasure at all when i was younger. Could that be a part of it?
It stresses me out that I can't feel pleasure that my parnter feels.
I did research and it can be multiple factors. Like arousal concordance, (i think thats the word)
I'm on the pill as well for medical reasons, could that be the main factor?
I've tried masturbation as well but can't feel a thing, it just doesn't do anything for me.
I found this site and it looks really helpful, is there anything i can do that could possibly get my body aroused?
thank you

[Jacob]

Hi Namelessss!

Thanks for being here!

Arousal non-concordance is a useful consideration when partnered sex just isn't leading to any physical pleasure, due to differring patterns of arousal between you and your partner. In those situations masturbation followed by good communication is a really useful method to learn what those patterns are and changing how you're having sex with a partner to include and prioritise them.

So it sounds like you're at the masturbation & learnging stage, but are struggling to get anywhere. In that situation I think the two main things I can recommend are to explore your anatomy, beginning with some reading... our piece here is a great start: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body and secondly to just try a bunch of stuff!

Everyone's body is different, but exploring sensations on a really basic level like "how does it feel to lay my hand here" and making a note to yourself of that feeling can take you a great distance. That can extend to touching yourself in different places, in different ways, sometimes with different toys and sometimes not. I think it's best to think of sexual arousal as an extension of just general sensory arousal and self-awareness, with a bit of imagination thrown in. To that end, exploring fantasy is also a part of this, if you've ever found any type of fiction exciting, comforting or arousing, there is almost always some erotic writing somewhere out there about that very thing.

Some medication can mess with arrousal, including forms of birth control, so it also wouldn't hurt, I think, to talk to your doctor about this and the potential of trying a different birth control method to see if making a change there would help. Is that something you've considered?

The name of the game here is exploration, and trying to enjoy the exploration itself and avoiding being too goal oriented. That can't guarantee an orgasm for anyone but it can give you a much better understanding of how pleasure behaves in your body etc.