Scarleteen

hello. i am an 18 year old lesbian cisgender woman, and i can't feel anything sexually.
i've tried masturbating before in all different ways, believe me, i've tried everything, and i can't feel anything.
yesterday i had my first time with my 21 year old girlfriend, i had my period but she told me not to worry because she is also a woman. she has a lot more experience than i do and she made me feel completely at ease, there was quite a lot of foreplay and it felt good, emotionally good, because i was not feeling anything sexually, i mean i was aroused, just not any pleasure lol. then she introduced a finger and it hurt me, she stopped and tried again, and again, and we tried and tried but it was just too painful and she decided to stop and just continue kissing me and cuddling me. i felt so loved, she made me feel secure with her, i started crying because i felt useless and my eating disorder it's really kicking my balls and my body image is really bad, she just calmed me down, and cuddled me all night while we slept. woke up and my vulva still hurts, there's a skin section between the vag and anus, and that's what hurts most, it's irritated. that's not the problem here tho, just needed to give some context. she stimulated my clit and that made me feel just a tiny little something, but it was almost nothing. i really tried my best. i really wanted to do it, and i couldn't. i can't feel sexual pleasure and i feel like im missing out on something. it sucks. we wanna do it again another day, she told me she's getting lube but i am afraid of, again, not feeling anything. this is the first time i've felt attracted to a person this way and i hate not being able to do something about it.

Hi there, Naomz- welcome to the boards!

I believe you when you say you've tried a lot of different things- this must be so frustrating! Just to make sure we're on the same page, I have a few questions. Could you give us a sense of what you've tried on your own? Does penetration hurt when you try it on your own as well?

I think getting lube is a good idea- the added protection from friction that it provides can make things more pleasurable and could prevent that irritation that you mentioned.

This is a topic that comes up often on the boards. While there isn't exactly a straightforward solution I can offer you (how I wish I could do that), some trial and error and patience usually helps- plenty of people who come here with similar concerns to you end up finding ways to experience pleasure. That is to say, there is definitely hope.

hi latha, thank u for your reply! i've tried clit stimulation with fingers and shower. humping a pillow. fingering (it always hurts so i only tried it once, then my gf did it with two fingers because she's used to it and i got a small tear on the area). i don't know if it's my mental health that's preventing me from this, my medication, or maybe a physical health issue, because i have quite some that i got from having anorexia for a few years. i am not underweight tho, and just a few months ago i relapsed, when i was taking care of myself i was also not able to feel stuff, so i don't know what may be going on. i also think i have vaginal dryness, maybe that's tmi but i think it helps the context

Hi naomz,

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of things that can potentially influence pleasure and sexual response; some medications can have sexual side effects, as can mental stress or big physical changes (both of which are part of being in the recovery process for anorexia) . Too, it sounds like you were putting pressure on yourself to experience pleasure, which in and of itself can make it harder to do so, because pressure is a pretty big pleasure killer all on its own.

I do think introducing lube into the equation could be really helpful, especially if you notice you're aroused but not really self-lubricating. Beyond that, what if you focused on figuring out, either alone or with your girlfriend, what kinds of touch feel pleasurable to you that don't involve your genitals?