Scarleteen

Hi! I've been going through kind of an emotional crisis about my sexuality for the past 6 or so months. For years I've identified as bisexual (F), and I've been in a loving relationship with a bisexual man for almost 4 years now. We were intimate a lot throughout most of our relationship, but in the past 6 months I've wanted it less and less to the point where now we have a completely sex-free relationship. I love him so much but I just don't feel sexually attracted to him anymore, or other men even.

I started thinking that I'm a lesbian. That label felt so right until today, when I tearfully came out to him and he (accepting and loving the whole time) said he'd also suspected it for a while now. After we agreed to break up and remain close friends, I started having regrets IMMEDIATELY. Like I wanted him to hold me, I started thinking about how much I'll miss our relationship and the romantic elements of it, etc.

Am I homosexual biromantic? Or is this me being scared of change and questioning if I'm right about my identity? I don't feel these romantic feelings for any other guy. Sorry if this is long and rambling!

As a note: we talked about my feelings and are considering a poly relationship, as the relationship is already open and he has sex with other people.

Hi littlegoose ,

It actually sounds like there are two separate, but interlinking, issues here. One is how you're feeling about your orientation and the potential change to how you define it, the other is how you're feeling about the changes to this relationship.

Let's start with the relationship. It sounds like you know a sexual one with this guy isn't something you want anymore, but that you might want some kind of close relationship all the same. Do you feel like you could have the elements you're missing now that you broke up in a platonic relationship? Or does it feel like you want a romantic element with him as well?

As far as your identity, if lesbian feels like the term that best captures how you feel overall, then it certainly makes sense to identify that way! Really, you're the boss of if and how you choose to name your sexual orientation, if you choose to name it at all. But sense this sounds like it's causing you some stress, do you feel like maybe referring to yourself as "questioning" for a bit might help take some of the pressure off?