Scarleteen

hi! i guess as a disclaimer im plural so that kinda muddies stuff a bit bc like depending on who’s fronting sometimes we *are* like actually attracted to women but thats pretty damn rare and for this post im mainly just speaking generally and as a collective.

so basically we’ve identified as a gay man for a while, as we find ourselves only really sexually attracted to men, but sometimes when we watch porn, we get turned on by porn featuring women, which makes us question things a bit. like with men we’ll see a hot man and be like “GODDAMNN” and stuff and thats not really the case with women. like we dont feel that same attraction to them, if any at all besides aesthetic attraction. but im just confused on why we get turned on my porn featuring women sometimes if we’re not usually attracted to them? idk any ideas on whats going on? thanks!!

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

A thing can happen with porn or other sexual media is that if elements are present in it that really arouse us, that can lead to us enjoying it even if the media includes a gender we're not attracted to. In other words, it could be that you're getting aroused by other things in the porn you're watching rather than by the women themselves. I think that's the likely explanation, especially if you aren't attracted to women the rest of the time. Does that make sense?

that makes sense. i guess i sorta get aroused by like. the noises and stuff??? maybe the scenario?? the sexual acts in general? idk. i guess it kinda makes me doubt my sexuality and that im not really gay bc i get like that sometimes.

The thing is, sexuality isn't this black or white thing that needs to have a super specific and permanent label. It's a spectrum, it can and often does change over time, and it isn't always as obvious and clear as you might think it is. We can't really answer whether you're attracted to women or what that means about your sexuality because that's your call to make. We can tell you that being aroused by women's noises in porn, especially porn featuring men too, doesn't have to mean your sexuality has to change. It's a common experience to be aroused by sex in general and it doesn't have to have a deeper meaning, unless you do think you're attracted to women outside of just within sexual media. You also don't stop being gay just because you find women attractive. Does this make sense?

that makes sense, thanks!! i usually dont like the stuff that features both men and women for some reason. it’s usually stuff thats either only men or only women so idk

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

And that's totally okay! There are people who are attracted to men and women can and will enjoy sexual media that consists of only men or only women. As Sofi said, sexuality is a spectrum, and liking men and women doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50 all the time. Does that make sense?

yeah that makes sense!! i guess im just confused bc im not drawn to women unless its in porn, and even then i mainly watch stuff with men. like i only see myself having intimate relationships with men and im only sexually attracted to men but idk

Poking in to say that I think you're overthinking this.

The idea that we can have some sort of wholly lifelong patterns of sexual attraction that always are and stay very specifically the same is not realistic. In reality, people or things that turn us on tend to be at least a little unpredictable most of the time, because we and the context of our lives is ever-changing.

If you just recognize that it's pretty much always normal, not weird, for our experiences with attraction to be diverse and sometimes surprising, I think things like this won't throw you so much.

(But too, what we are or aren't into in porn also is a pretty no-stakes situation. In other words, since this is only about you and your time alone, it's not really something you have to account for in the first place or think so hard about, IMHO. Sexual media is something that really is mostly just about entertainment, so there's just no need to get hung up on what you like in it any more than say, you do about what non-porn movies you like or don't.)

yeah you’re right i probably am, my apologies. i’ll definitely i guess try to reflect a bit more on this and try not to overthink as much. thanks for the help!!