Scarleteen

so like everyone i know likes to masturbate and stuff but i have neevr wanted to but i mean i get horny but like i dont feel interested to do anything about it. its just another feeling really. and when i use toys nothing happens i feel weird but nothing good and when i try rub my clit it just is too overwhelming i cant do it for more than a few seconds because i hate it. (idk if this is the right place to talk about this)

Hi lewqwarm,

Welcome to the boards! You're in the right place. So, we can't tell you if you're asexual or not, but we can provide you with the proper resources so you can see if you can relate to the experiences of asexuality. Asexuality can refer to the lack of, or very little, sexual attraction to other people or sexual activity in general. There are some asexual people who do masturbate. Also, not everyone enjoys masturbation and that's okay, so it might just be your personal preference. Are you concerned about not enjoying masturbation, or do you feel any pressure from the people around you to enjoy it?

i was upset recently about it because everyone else does and i wanted to fit in but i really dont like it

Hi lewqwarm,

So, something that it's helpful to learn sooner rather than later is that trying to make our sexuality, including whether we enjoy or engage in certain sexual behaviors, conform to what we assume everyone else is doing is a great way to make ourselves miserable. Our sexuality and how we choose to (or to not) engage with it is entirely up to us and will vary so much from person to person. In other words: if you don't enjoy masturbating and don't feel any desire to do it, then there's nothing wrong with that.

Too, if you're mostly masturbating because you feel like you should or putting pressure on yourself to enjoy it, then that in and of itself can make it feel either underwhelming or unpleasant; our brains play a big role in how pleasurable sex or masturbation is, and if the brain is pressured or stressed or just not into what's going on, masturbation is unlikely to feel like much.

On the topic of asexuality, have you done much reading or other research on the topic? Does it feel like it captures the way you do, and don't, experience sexual desire?

all i really know on asexuality is you dont feel sexual attraction to people or just no sexual attraction but you can still get horny and stuff

Hi lewqwarm!

Really, that's basically it, though there is more to it. If you would like to read about this, here are some resources:

• Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer

• Am I asexual?

• The Asexual Visibility and Education Network