How can I tell my friend I want to experiment with him?

[dontaskneverask]

I'm straight but I want to try some things while I'm still young. And my friend seems kind of hot and we are really close. I just want to try some basic stuff with him nothing too much, but I just want to know if there's a good way to convey these feelings without scaring him off?

[Sam W]

Hi dontaskneverask,

There are a few things about this situation that are worth some consideration. The first is that, while we can certainly talk about how to raise the idea of a sexual relationship--including a casual one--with a friend, there's nothing we, or you, can guarantee how he'll feel or how he'll react if you approach him about this. So when you're weighing the pros and cons of doing this, you'll want to keep that in mind and decide if potentially losing the friendship or things being awkward for awhile are worth the chance to be sexual with him.

Too, is your friend someone who's attracted to men or is he straight?

I also hear you saying you want to do this "while you're still young." Does the chance to be sexual with another guy feel like it has a time limit to you? If so, why do you think it feels that way?

[dontaskneverask]

Thanks for responding btw, I get that there are no grantees, and as far as I know is straight. I don't want to lose him as a friend so thanks for bringing that up. What I mean by "while I'm still young" is before I get a serious long-term girlfriend. I feel like once that happens sexual encounters with other genders may just not be a possibility.

[Latha]

Hi there, dontaskneverask

I wonder, do you have a sense of what your friend's views on experimenting with someone of the same gender might be? If you don't know, perhaps you could ask, since you are close.

[dontaskneverask]

I feel like thats a good idea

[Latha]

Good luck

[dontaskneverask]

So he doesn’t seem interested but do you think if I directly ask him things may change?

[Latha]

Given that he doesn't seem interested, I'd say it is unlikely that asking will change that. How do you feel about looking for someone else you could explore things with?

[dontaskneverask]

He was the only one I seemed interested in experimenting with. But I’m open to other people. Just don’t really know who.

[Latha]

Ahh, I can see how that might be a little disappointing... Well, you can keep this in mind- with time, you may meet someone else you'd be interested in experimenting with. You don't have a deadline to do this after all.

[Heather]

Hi there!

I wanted to just let you know that you don’t have to start a sexually exclusive relationship with anyone until or unless you want to. In other words, if something potentially exclusive comes your way, you get to only pursue it if that is actually something you want.

You also have the option of dating without exclusivity, or creating ethically nonmonogamous relationships, options that people of all genders and orientations are potentially interested in or prefer, just as can be the case with monogamy, or only dating one person exclusively.