Scarleteen

It’s quite awkward to write this, but I’m kind of desperate at this point, so:
Every time I masturbate, I self harm afterwards. Masturbating just makes me feel really gross and kind of dysphoric (I’m a trans guy, for context), and I feel like the only way I can be “clean” again is to SH. I’ve been struggling with this for about a year or two now, and I really don’t know who to turn to. I want to stop, but I can’t seem to. I’ve tried to stop masturbating, but eventually I always end up giving in, and then I SH, and thus the cycle continues. I know it’s really unhealthy. I’m pretty sure I’ve made myself anemic at this point (the vitamin deficiency doesn’t help, lol), and I don’t even remember when or how I started.
Regular advice on stopping SH hasn’t worked for me so far, and like I said, I’m on my last leg here. Does anyone know some way I could stop, or have any advice? I’m so sick of this cycle.

Hi there, Sixofgeese

I can see why you're feeling desperate, this seems awful. I'm not sure what you've already tried, but as I see it now there are two things we can consider to address the cause of your self-harm. Firstly, you could try to find ways of masturbating that feel more gender-affirming/masculine. Secondly, you could look into gender-affirming care that could alleviate your dysphoria. We can help you think of ideas for both. How does this sound?

If you haven't done so already, do you think it would be possible for you to get blood tests and see a doctor to address the anemia and vitamin deficiency that you mentioned?