Scarleteen

hi! so last night i had some amazing solo sex and when i reached orgasm it was extremely intense and it felt like something wanted to come out if that makes sense. like almost some sort of pressure down there, kinda felt like when you’re squeezing out a poop but involuntary and with my vulva/penis instead of my butt lol (sorry thats the only example i can think of thats close enough). i never felt that before and i swore that something was gonna just come gushing out but when i was done it didn’t (at least i dont think it did). maybe i did something wrong tbh.

i hope i explained all that decently bc its a really hard feeling to describe in words

i wanna make myself feel that way again to see what’ll happen but idk how/if i can. but yeah idk what do y’all think?

Hi Silly,

Glad you had a great time. I don't really think we can advise on the specifics but it sounds like the "squeezing out" feeling may have been the the general pelvic area swelling due to stimulation, in which case, in all likelihood, if you do the same thing again the outcome is likely to be similar!

hi!!

thanks!! honestly that kinda stinks bc i was really hoping it was something having to do with ejaculation bc i’ve really been wanting to do it and its been causing a decent amount of distress that i haven’t been able to. its not too huge of a deal tho, i’ll survive. thanks regardless!!

Why the distress?

Our bodies are gonna do what they are gonna do (and won't what they won't) pretty much for our whole lives. I don't think thinking of ejaculating or any other sexual response as an achievement is a good way to approach sex and sexual response. I'd say it's more often a recipe for disappointment or undue pressure put on your experiences.

yeah you’re right. i guess it’s probably mainly dysphoria related. also partially bc a lot of people with my anatomy can do it but i cant (ik the stuff ya see in porn isn’t usually accurate at all but it still kinda gets me down)

apologies if im being kinda a downer. stuffs just tricky

It's okay, this stuff is definitely tricky like you said, especially at your age. I think what Heather said at the end there is super important - having certain hopes when it comes to this stuff is just a recipe for disappointment. Overthinking and comparing ourselves to other people when it comes to sex creates more problems than if you try to instead fully trust your body, go with the flow, and just enjoy yourself - however that looks.

hiya sofi! i’ll definitely keep all that in mind, thanks!!

honestly it doesn’t help too much that i see so much different info about all this. i used to follow a sex educator on tiktok (i dont follow them anymore bc i just realized their content made me feel kinda icky about myself and that i probably should step back) and in their linktree they had an article ig linked on how to make you or your partner squirt (i personally dont like that word for myself so i dont call it that when talking about myself) and it was kinda just like a list of things like “be hydrated!” “use internal and external stimulation!” etc etc and the way it was written came across to me as like “if you follow all these steps correctly it’ll almost definitely work!!” so it just kinda makes me feel like im doin something wrong. the same sex educator i followed said that blended orgasms are “better” than regular orgasms which maybe im just being silly but that also kinda made me feel like im doing something wrong or that i should do that instead bc they said its better if that makes sense. this isn’t like a personal dig at that person, im just kinda generally talking about how stuff like that makes me feel.

i also really would love to experiment with toys and stuff too (especially bc sometimes internal stimulation does feel kinda good but it really hurts my hands and wrists to do manually, and there isn’t really anything at home i can substitute it with. i also just generally wanna experiment with stuff) but i know damn well my mom wont let me which sucks and makes things a lot harder. i dont think she even really wants me to watch porn so yeah. shes a good mom just not the most progressive with that stuff ig. it doesn’t help that its also a really uncomfortable subject

sorry i kinda went on a bit of a tangent. i just kinda wanted to get that out now ig.

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

I have to say, I'm kind of glad you stopped following that person. To me, a sex educator who insists that X steps with usually lead to orgasm/ejaculation/other bodily response, or that certain kind of orgasm is always going to be "better" or more intense or whatever, isn't being honest about how sexual response actually is.

There can be a drive on social media in particular for sex educators to act like they have some secret or a process that they can share that will get people the results they're looking for, because that's often beneficial from a self-promotion standpoint. The truth, which is that pleasure is an incredibly variable and personal experience, and that bodies don't all work the same way (or always cooperate with us in what we want them to do), isn't quite as eye catching.

One thing I'll say, (in addition to the info here: Legit or Unfit? Finding Safe, Sound Sex Educators & Support Online) is that reliable sex educators don't tend to present human sexuality in terms of a lot of absolutes ("blended orgasms are better" "oral sex is more pleasurable than X" and so on) because they know better than to erase how diverse sexual response and desire actually is.

ohh ok thank you! i’ll definitely keep all that in mind in the future (aswell as reading the article you provided)!! also apologies if most of the time i give sorta short/very generic responses. a lot of the time its hard for me to think of words to respond to stuff like that and address everything that was said individually if that makes sense ^^

That's alright, don't worry!