Scarleteen

hi im rowan.

ive been identifying as a transmasc for a while now but recently im questioning it. am i actually trans? maybe im just a female who likes being adressed as a boy? or bc my parents are sexist and im being uncomfortable being a female bc of them? idk. i do know that ive been masculine since i was a kid. when picking who i am from a show with my sister (we used to do that as a kid) i always chose a boy or a masculine girl. im not a transboy, but a transmasc (i think). when i started buying my own clothes (i was around 11/12) i bought masculine ones. once in middleschool i got asked twice if im a girl or boy by some kids bc i was wearing masc clothes and had ashort hair and i really like it. but those "signs" could also mean that im just a female who likes being adressed as a boy? im so confused thats why im asking; what are signs of being transmasc?

Hi Rowan,

So, with the big caveat that ultimately you, and not me or anyone else, is going to be the expert on your gender identity, I do think there are some questions you could ask yourself that might untangle some of how you're feeling. There's not really a checklist of signs that indicate someone is trans, but there are feelings you have about gender that can sometimes clue you in to what's going on.

The first is: when you think about how you want to be seen in the world, what gender(s) do you immediately think of? And when you think about the fact you were deemed a girl when you were born, does that feel somehow off to you? Like it's a piece of clothing that doesn't quite fit? Are you feeling like gender is a category you wish you didn't have to fit into at all?

Too, if you think about being referred to, seen as, and existing as a masculine presenting woman (like a butch), how does that make you feel? Excited? Repulsed? Neutral? Does it feel like it somehow still isn't capturing who you are in the way being trans masc does?

It may also help to think about how you're differentiating between being trans masculine and being a trans guy. What, to you, is the difference between those things, and why do you feel pulled towards one and not the other?

If this perspective helps, as an alternative: You don't need to "know" what your labels are, if you don't want to label your experiences. I am someone who is often referred to by the 'transmasculine' label, but it is not something I would call myself on my own terms. You can be a man without identifying with the label, and you can take HRT/change your pronouns, without being obligated to call yourself something.

Think about your personal desires, and then label those, you don't need to have a label and find your desires that fit into it, if that makes sense. It is very stressful to find a perfectly fitting label! Sometimes paying more attention to what you want and chasing that, helps.